Second Chance
by Brindabella
Summary: Not everybody gets a second chance. Jen/Matt. Pretty likely to end up a terrible fluffy heap of junk but please review anyway!
1. Hunger Pangs

Second Chance

Date Began: February 3, 2009

Dedication: for those eagerly awaiting the end of season 2 and all of season 3!

Chapter 1 Hunger Pangs

Jennifer waited, bored and watching the clock, in the jagged line that snaked through the restaurant and out the door of the inner city McDonalds. At least ten people, mostly oddly dressed teens who she eyed wearily, stood before her, and she wondered for a second what Matt and Simon would say if she returned to the car with sushi or something else equally healthy instead of the burgers and fries they'd begged her to get them. She smiled to herself at the almost wicked thought of ruining their excitement with something that contained so fewer carbs and fats than a Big Mac.

The line began to move slowly at last and as she shuffled forward an inch, Jennifer bent her head down as she almost lost her grip on the money her colleagues had given her. The coins in her hands were becoming so sweaty that they were getting all mixed up as she juggled them, trying to keep everyone's straight. She was glad that no one at Homicide was ever so petty that they'd get in a huff about maybe getting the wrong change from the lunch run. They all had bigger things to think about than being short twenty cents.

"Jennifer?" a voice sprang up out of the din of the service area and Jennifer snapped her head up at the sound of her name more so than the sound of the voice. Emma smiled back at her as she held her own bag of takeaway.

"Hi!" she replied, trying her best to sound normal and polite. It had been a good two or three months since she had seen Emma and in a way she had been grateful. After the craziness of the Bond case, Jennifer had needed some time away from everyone and everything, but in actuality this had lasted less than a week and she was back at work again, burying herself in crim to keep the demons at bay. The last person on her mind had been Emma, and for that fleeting moment they stood before each other in the midday madness of the service area, Jennifer realised that's he felt nothing at all for Emma. She didn't hate the woman, but she certainly didn't fall over herself to be friends with her either. She tried to shrug off the feeling that this was because perhaps they were competitors in some way.

After she had returned to Homicide everything had got back to normal surprisingly quickly, and Jennifer had felt like all the time she'd spent with Matt forming a bond – no pun intended – on the Bond case and then in the aftermath of Matilda and Nash's arrests had been forgotten. She could walk in and out of the office, to home, to a McDonalds, to suspects homes, to the courthouse, to the park on her morning run, and it was just like nothing had ever even happened. She knew that Matt and Emma were still together, and it confused her in a way, but she didn't move a muscle to sort it out or bring the matter up again. It just didn't feel like the right time. It didn't feel like there would ever be a time – so she just got on with her job.

Ever the optimist, Emma always managed to see only the good in people, always extending her hand to help and be polite and friendly and right then was no different, despite the fact that Jennifer and Matt now had what vaguely resembled a history. But who was to know if Emma was even aware of it? She probably wasn't, Jennifer was the only one it seemed who harboured such a secret, and so she pushed it from her mind as she shoved the coins into her pocket and smiled at the petite blonde. "Doing the lunch run are you?" Emma asked, not fazed in the slightest by the fact she'd not seen Jennifer since July.

Feeling guilty at her own lack of friendliness, Jennifer pulled herself together enough to give a reply to the one person she had never made much effort with. She nodded. "Yeah the guys actually want to eat this jun-" she stopped short when she realised she was about to criticise Emma's lunch food of choice. Emma looked down at her brown paper bag and chuckled, waving her hand in the air at Jennifer putting her foot in her mouth, not bothered in the slightest. Her easygoing nature made Jennifer feel uncomfortable with her own not so carefree nature. Things were always so crowded in Jennifer Mapplethorpe's head. She grappled with six hundred things at once, all day every day.

"Shouldn't be eating it myself!" Emma replied with another laugh. "But hey, it's Friday!" as if that made it all ok. Jennifer tried to understand her reasoning and as she did so Emma waved her a flippant goodbye. She bustled out of the restaurant and hopped quickly down the few steps that led onto the busy city streets. In moments she was lost in the crowd of shoppers and business people and Jennifer was back to waiting in line for Big Macs and French fries.

As she shuffled closer and closer to the counter she became aware of a group of teenagers in a huddle near the toilets to her left. They were almost completely obscured from view, but when she craned her neck she could see them hastily counting a lump of silver coins and a few crumpled five dollar notes. Moments later they tacked themselves onto the end of Jennifer's line and looked hungrily at the glowing menu boards above the registers. She bowed her head and turned away from them, feeling a pang she always felt for street kids and those from unfortunate backgrounds. She always wished there was more she could do.


	2. The Spark

Chapter 2 The Spark

Simon skewed the car to a stop only long enough for Jennifer to jump in. She hadn't even put her seatbelt on or put down the bundle of Maccas bags she was carrying before he sped away. "Hey!" she exclaimed. "Do you want your thickshake in your mouth or all over the backseat?" Simon released the accelerator only slightly with a smile.

"Here, I'll hold it for you so you can put your belt on," Matt volunteered, a kind and cautious smile spread across his friendly face. Appreciative, Jennifer handed him the tray of drinks and set the bag of burgers on the seat between them. He watched as she belted up and smoothed out her jacket and pants before handing her back her drink.

As she accepted it, she took a sip and turned to face him. "Hey I saw Emma in McDonalds," she said, expecting his face to light up at the mention of his girlfriends name. Whatever they had had during and after the Bond case, she thought that what he had with Emma was certainly a much bigger deal, and she genuinely thought he and Emma had carried on as normal, just like they had before the Bonds came along. But the instant she didn't see any recognition or excitement in his eyes when she mentioned Emma's name, she knew she had got it wrong.

"Yeah?" he replied, in such a way that made Jennifer not push the subject any further. "She always buys her lunch out somewhere on Fridays," he explained vaguely, howing into his burger with much more enthusiasm than what he was talking to her with. He looked out the window as he ate his Big Mac, seemingly loathe to answer anymore Emma questions, even though Jennifer was dying to know what the story was. But she respectfully kept her distance, looking out her own window as she ate her long awaited lunch.

As they pulled up to the last set of traffic lights before the Homicide building Jennifer's eyes drifted to the swarm of people surging across the street as the light was red and the green man flickered for them. Much the same type of crowd that had swallowed Emma up outside of the McDonald's, this crowd moved like a mass across the road, hurrying back to offices and construction sites. But in amongst them all Jennifer noticed a gaggle of teens – probably the same ones she had seen counting out money between the group less than 15 minutes ago. They caught her eye for some reason – she wasn't sure why – but just like she had in the hot, humid environment of the McDonalds she looked upon them with pity for a few seconds, until she distinctly saw one of them, no older than 13, swoop through the crowd and swipe a young woman's handbag. The boy dodged through the crowd like a pro, darting around and between all the other people near him, and she watched as he gave the bag to a young girl up ahead, who in turn ran a little further through the crowd and handed it to another young boy.

Jennifer couldn't believe what she had just witnessed and she grabbed Matt's arm to get his attention and make him look out her window at the scene before them. His copper's eye didn't miss a beat and he too followed the children as they ran through the crowd. They had almost made it to the other side of the street when they lights changed from red to green and the cars surged forward. The boy with the bag was three steps from freedom, and in a heartbeat he had made it, but the first boy was still in the outer edges of the crowd, a good ten metres from the footpath where his friend was eagerly waiting, ready to run.

It was only by pure luck that the car in front of theirs had moved forward and Simon negoitiated his way forward also, and it blocked the path of the bag snatcher. He was trying so desperately to get away that he misjudged his distance and thought he could make it to the footpath before their car. He was wrong, and fell face first onto the bonnet, half splayed over Simon's window. The terrified look that Jennifer expected to see on his face was absent, not because he was shocked or surprised that he'd just nearly been run over, but she suspected because he was not quite as sober or clean as she wished a 13 year old would be. The blank stare and lifeless expression she was confronted with only confirmed this for her.

"Oh what the fu-!" Simon swore, pressing hard on the brakes. His thickshake jumped right out of the drink holder as they halted and he was quickly covered in creamy strawberry goo.

But Matt and Jennifer didn't even notice. "Come on, let's get 'em!" Matt said, bounding out of the car, grateful for the distraction and excitement in his lunch hour. Jennifer slithered across the seat awkwardly and managed to jump out right behind Matt and together they chased the young boy and his friends down the footpath and for two whole blocks before they split and went three separate ways and were impossible to find in the masses of people.

They slowed to a stop, catching their breaths and nursing stitches in their sides. Homicide didn't usually involve this much physical exertion. "Little punks," Matt seethed lightly under his breath. "I wish we could just clean up this place and get all these kids somewhere that half resembles a loving home." He walked back towards Simon and the car with his head hanging low. Jennifer walked with him, just a few steps back, silently agreeing. They returned to the office in silence.


	3. From Across the Bar

Chapter 3 From Across the Bar

Jennifer rushed away later that day, eager, and yet at the same time not, to get home. Karen had set her up with a friend of hers, and she was supposed to meet him at the Astoria restaurant by 7pm. The entire day she had pushed the blind date out of her mind, trying not to let the decision over what to wear and how to do her hair and how much to avoid talking about work distract her from what she was supposed to be concentrating on. It meant though that by the time she got home, she had less than an hour to make all those decisions she had been putting off all day. She stood in front of her closet, not knowing what to pull out and put on. She didn't even feel energised about going on the scarily exciting blind date – an experience which in the past – meaning only two other times – had always made her giddy and excited at the prospect of maybe randomly meeting her Prince Charming. But that feeling wasn't with her tonight. It was a chore to put on make up and blow dry her hair, but she did it because she couldn't bare not knowing if maybe he was Prince Charming, and because she knew Karen would never let her forget it if she piked on her.

Many streets away, Matt drove home slowly, feeling drained from a day which hadn't even really been that draining. But it was not a feeling that he wasn't used to – many days lately had felt like this, and it wasn't work. It was Emma and something he had so little experience in - relationships. The thought of breaking up with her had never entered his mind, but he still wanted desperately for something to change – just in everyday life – so that he wasn't leaving work everyday longing to just stay there and so that when she asked him to meet her at a work function in the city the way she had tonight he wasn't so incredibly tempted to be a no show.

By 8pm he had been home and changed and driven back into the city and ventured into a room full of people he didn't know from a bar of soap. He got himself a drink, but even with this usually comforting and ice breaking instrument in his hands the night did not get off to a good start. He looked around for his blonde other half and after many minutes of scaling the room he saw her flitting effortlessly between groups of people, so deep in conversation with each and every single one of them that he knew he would only be a burden if he was to stand beside her and do the boyfriend thing. He stood at the bar waiting for her to see him, but it took her a good twenty minutes before she did. She bustled over, a wide smile on her face as always, so happy to see him. She kissed him hello and he responded back with as much energy as he could muster, but even he was aware that it wasn't very much. She didn't notice though, possibly high on a bit of champagne and finger food. She pulled him into the crowds and held his hand in hers as she introduced him to her colleagues and friends. He was polite and friendly, but engaged in nothing longer than three sentences with any of them.

By 9pm he couldn't do the small talk anymore, and could no longer bear pretending to be interested. The only person he felt comfortable around in the room was Emma and she continually flitted off to talk to other people, leaving him alone and feeling self conscious. So with one last swig of his beer, he put his glass back on the bar and left without saying goodbye – he couldn't find Emma to say goodbye anyway – so he left without letting her know he had done so. And as he wandered out into the street he wondered how he would explain it to her tomorrow.

He was in the mood for another drink, but didn't want to venture too far from where he had parked his car. He was totally unfamiliar with this part of the city – it was very upmarket and not really his type of place, and he was worried for a while as he walked if he could actually find a place nearby that he could feel comfortable in and just have a quiet drink, even if it was on his lonesome. He strolled up and down and finally settled on a place dimly lit and sparsely occupied. He walked into the lobby, discovering it was actually a hotel. His eyes searched for the bar and when he saw the sign he headed that way, eager to just sit and drink quietly, lost in his thoughts. He pulled up a seat at the sprawling dark wood bar, rubbing a hand over its shiny surface.

"What can I get ya mate?" the bartender asked as he approached. 

"Just a beer thanks," Matt replied, not even caring what type he was given. He took the cold glass appreciatively and took a contemplative sip from it, feeling the chilled amber liquid slide down his throat slowly. Swallowing, he looked around the bar at the other patrons. They were mostly dressed up older couples, relaxing with a drink or a coffee after trips to the theatre or the nearby restaurants. It was a Friday night after all. Matt wished he had some place better to be, that was for sure.

Several snugly booths made up the corner of the room, looking out onto the Melbourne skyline through floor to ceiling windows. The view was breathtaking to Matt, and he thought it a shame no one but his was appreciating it by sitting close to these windows. Except for one person. Huddled into a booth all alone was Jen. She sipped at a glass of white wine, her legs crossed and her eyes staring out at the night sky. He smiled. It was good to see her after the night he'd had. He got up from his place at the bar and walked over to her.

_I love it in the city when two worlds collide_

"Can I join you?" he asked quietly, standing at her table.

She turned around, slightly startled. "Matt," she breathed just as quietly. She grinned up at him. "Absolutely," she said. "Sit down, sit down!" she motioned with her wine glass. She shuffled over in her seat so that they could sit and face each other around the tiny circular table.

Matt shook his head at Jen, smiling as he did so. "I can't believe I'm seeing you here on tonight of all nights."

She chuckled as she shook her head in equal disbelief. "Ha, neither can I! But it certainly makes tonight better," she confessed, looking back at her drink and avoiding his eyes, embarrassed.

Matt nodded, understanding. "Yeah, it sure does mine too," he said quietly.

"Why, where were you supposed to be?" Jennifer asked, this time not letting the uncomfortable subject slip the way she had earlier in the day.

Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked out at the view, toying with the rim of his beer glass. "Emma has this work thing on and I met her there," he admitted softly. "But I didn't stay long."

Jennifer leaned on the table, looking closer at Matt's drawn face. "Why not?" she probed.

"It just wasn't my thing," he explained. "Emma was in her element, but I didn't belong there." It almost pained him to admit it out loud.

"What will Emma say?" Jennifer asked.

"I dunno," he replied sadly. " Probably: Why can't I be the perfect boyfriend?"

"You don't always have to be perfect Matt," she said soothingly in a low voice, keeping the conversation between them.

"When I'm sitting next to a flawless Jennifer Mapplethorpe I do!" he replied, half serious half joking.

She blushed a little as she swatted him on the shoulder and they shared a chuckle. It was true, he did feel unworthy in front of her, and she would never have described herself as flawless, especially not in this establishment, and further, she would never have expected anyone else to describe her in that way. But through all the embarrassment and awkwardly honest compliments, it suddenly just felt like the silent 'click' had flown through them both. They were past a hurdle. Whether it was the first, the last, or one somewhere in the middle, they didn't know, but they were past it.

"So why are you sitting at a table all by yourself on a Friday night?" Matt asked, hoping to take the attention off his own self conscious issues.

Jennifer blushed an even deeper shade of red. "Blind date gone wrong I suppose," she confessed. "He didn't even show!" Inside she was genuinely hoping this was because he'd had a family emergency or got hit by a train or kidnapped for ransom – not just because he didn't want to waste his Friday night on someone he didn't know, or because he'd come, seen her waiting for him and decided not to approach her. That would be the ultimate kick when she was down.

He laughed a small, sympathetic laugh, not to chide her, but to comfort, saying without words that he too had been there, done that, and that it _had _worked out for the better, because now they were sitting there together, talking honestly and openly in a way they never had before. They had escaped their terrible circumstances for just one night.

Still though, Matt knew – escaping was not the same as being free.


	4. Playing It Safe

Chapter 4 Playing It Safe

Jennifer lay in bed shortly before midnight, her hands linked behind her head, the cat at her feet, keeping her toes warm. But she couldn't sleep, forever replaying the night in her mind and it's almost disappointing lack of substance.

Jennifer Mapplethorpe was a detective – she solved crime for a living, everyday mentally sifting through theories, evidence, clues and questions. The only way that one could not go crazy with all this flowing through the mind 24/7 was to be sensible and organised. Everything had it's own place in her head and she was always able to keep it there until it was needed, at exactly the right moment. This was a skill she had learnt from day one, and had honed and fine tuned everyday since. It made her a great detective and she knew it.

But she felt dishevelled and disorganised thinking over the evening. It was unchartered territory, territory she was so unsure about dipping her toe into. She wasn't in complete control whenever Matt was in the equation, and it made her feel so different from normal. Not necessarily bad, just different. She was never sure where to turn – everything suddenly was all askew and she didn't know where to slot things in her head anymore because she was unsure of their importance. As a result she never knew what to do next and what to pursue and what to leave lying.

She did know that there was something there though. Even in all her unorganisable confusion she could see that there was something there. But everything was so unspoken between them. She didn't really know if he felt it too. Sure, he'd once asked her out, but when she'd said no he'd soon moved onto Emma, and that certainly spoke volumes right there. She knew she'd missed the boat with that one. But on the other hand she knew they'd shared some definite undeniable moments and she guessed that these moments were what kept her wondering about if anything could ever happen between them.

_I can't move on_

_Cos that means forgetting everything that we had_

_Instead I keep running back_

The way he had so worriedly sought her out after she'd been held hostage. The way she'd been the only one he told about his mother – something he took a long time to share with their other colleagues. The way he'd relentlessly pursued the Bond kids with her, never questioning her drive to solve the case. The way he'd fronted up almost pathetically at her doorstep that night, not knowing what else to offer her in comfort but himself. The way he could sit beside her for hours – however long it took – and never ever waver in his protective, soothing hold. He was so patient – perhaps he was just waiting for her now?

She had not been heartbroken when she found out about him and Emma. Just taken aback. And then again when she found out that they'd moved in together. They were taking giant leaps together it seemed, while she was struggling to keep her head above water.

And she knew every officer hesitated when it came to office relationships. It was rocky ground, risky business, the number one no-no. For all its positives there was a list of ten negatives, and she knew it. She knew also that that could well have been the reason why Matt had pursued Emma with more gusto than he had her. It was the safest option. She couldn't blame him for that.

_I don't let nobody see me wishing he were mine_

Jennifer had never had an office relationship in all her years in the force. She felt that this had helped her, at least in part, to get as far up as she had on the ladder. She was the kind of cop the superiors trusted and saw potential in. They knew she wouldn't do something stupid like get involved with a colleague. They likely thought of Matt in the same way. So why was she so incredibly attracted to this man? It was wrong on her part, in so many ways. He was already involved with someone else for a start, and that made it wrong enough right off the bat. She couldn't step in front of that. It wasn't right.

But he always found her when she was at her lowest. When her life was in danger, when she was sad, when she was alone, when she was scared. Just like tonight. And when she was at her lowest she knew she let herself give in a bit more and be attracted to him more, perhaps because she just didn't have the strength to fight it and say no. That was her defences at their lowest. But during these moments she never minded at all that she was weak like this – in fact she was always glad, that he had found her.

And her blind date had been such a bust, and she was a little disappointed. When you're in your thirties rejections like that hurt so much more than they did in your twenties, she thought to herself. A few glasses of wine had not even touched the sides of her depression at being stood up. She'd been about to go home and cry into her pillow when he'd turned up out of nowhere, that kind smile only just showing up on his face.

_I won't tell her where you go_

_You're falling down_

_This time's forever_

_Don't make a sound_

_Just take it easy_

The evening had slowly gotten better, even though Jennifer was still embarrassed to admit out loud that she'd been stood up. Matt understood though. There was no chest thumping or high and mightiness. He just acknowledged her sadness and tried to make her feel better, a gesture that did not go unappreciated, especially when she knew things were not all they cracked up to be in Emma Paradise.

_She didn't know you were looking away_

_I saw you thinking where you'd rather be_

_She'll say, are you gonna be the one?_

_So you give her what she wants even though it's make believe_

As they left the Astoria more than an hour later, Matt smiled at her as he thanked her for keeping him company. "Oh no, thank_you_," Jennifer gushed slightly, remembering and reliving how it'd been her sitting there by herself pathetically, without the guts to walk out of there solo. He had saved her and her reputation yet again.

Matt stammered as he shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded his head at her words. "And thanks…for being so great with Emma and everything," he trailed off, perhaps not wanting to admit his total lack of connection with the bubbly blonde society called his girlfriend. He moved forward, hesitating for only a fleeting second – so fleeting that Jen actually wondered if she was right in thinking that he had hesitated – and hugged her in thanks.

_Do you want to be in love?_

_Do you want to be a lie?_

_Your secret's safe with me for now_

She responded with just as much gratitude, truly enjoying how they could be there for each other and have this kind of contact when they were away from work. Not that he didn't look out for her on the job and she him, but away from work, when they were just like every other person on the street it was so amazingly different. In the office the hesitation definitely would've been there, with both of them, neither wanting to step on any toes or generate any gossip. But Matt didn't think twice about hugging Jennifer. They had a bond, somewhere in there, and he loved that him invading her personal space like this didn't seem to bother her in the slightest. She wasn't as stand offish or unbreakably private as she made herself out to be.

She in turn had tonight grown increasingly fond of the fact that Matt was not your stereotypical male cop. There was no ego, no expensive suits, no trendy hair, no women hanging off his sleeve the way they often were with Simon and Duncan, no fast cars and no maniacal power trips. He was just scruffy, reliable, friendly Matt Ryan – a person she knew she could put her trust in. With all his secrets and insecurities, she knew he would never judge her for anything she thought or felt and would never compromise anything they had together.

But did he want to take it further? Some might interpret such a hug as confirmation that yes, he did want to take it further, but Jennifer knew that wasn't Matt's intention. It was just his natural friendly nature, never thinking twice about dishing out a hug or shouting someone a beer or just plain helping them out. She knew he was too inexperienced with relationships to realise that any other woman would've taken the hug – and the whole night in fact – as the long awaited push into the fast lane. It was a shame because it would've been a definite answer for her regarding their relationship status, which would've been nice, but she knew Matt would've done the same for Duncan, Simon, Wolfy, Karen, anyone. It was just one of those traits he had that she found so attractive.

When they came apart he seemed happier, and lighter on his feet, and he said goodnight to her with a more relaxed smile, the tension seemingly gone from his features. He climbed into his car and waved her goodbye.


	5. The First Night

Chapter 5 The First Night

At 1am the chirpy techno like ringtone that was Jennifer's mobile phone found its way into her sleep and as she opened her eyes in the darkness, she wondered how long it'd been ringing for.

Turning over in amongst the sheets, she faced her bedside table and grappled for the phone, flipping it open and holding it to her ear, keeping her eyes closed as she did so, eager to return to the land of nod.

"Detective Mapplethorpe," she answered, hoping she sounded a lot more awake than she felt.

"Jen?" a hesitant voice flittered down the phone. She knew it immediately, but was shocked at how different it sounded.

_You're over there when I need you here_

"Matt?" she sat up straighter in bed, pushing herself up to a sitting position on the pillows. "What's wrong?" She could sense that something was amiss, even though he'd only uttered a single word.

"Can you come to the hospital?" he asked nervously. In the corridor where he stood, in the middle of the emergency department, he suddenly felt like the only person left on earth, and he desperately wanted her to be beside him. The corridor was quiet, dimly lit and one of the only places cut off from the 24 hour hustle and bustle of the ER – the perfect place to make a phone call. But it gave him the shivers after the fright he had just experienced.

Normally she would have asked why he wanted her to come to such a place, but she was already getting out from under the covers and heading to the closet for a pair of shoes to put on her feet. If it was a case he would've said so already. If someone had died he would have said so already. This was something different, and there clearly was not time for questions. She asked which hospital and hung up, power walking through her house and outside to her car.

She barely felt the drive – it was an odd feeling. When she pulled into the carpark she stopped and wondered for a second, concerned. Did she run any red lights? Speed? Cut anyone off? She had little memory really of the journey – a habitual instinct had just kicked in and she had just focussed on where she needed to be. She was there in one piece though, so she shook off the highway hypnosis feeling and walked quickly into the emergency department.

She passed cars sitting quietly alongside each other, rays of fluro light laying like silk across their rooves and bonnets shone from lamps high above. It was almost a spooky feeling, being in such a place, so quiet, so deserted, so late at night. For some reason it made her hold her handbag closer and tighter to her body, even though there was clearly no one around.

The second she stepped inside the building she didn't know which way to turn. Luckily, Matt sat alone only metres in front of her, sitting up perfectly straight, dressed in the same clothes she had last seen him in, his hands fiddling with his car keys in his lap. He looked just fine. Even so, she almost leapt over to where he sat, taking a seat right beside him.

"Thanks for coming," he said in a quiet voice – the voice that always sounded a little bit embarrassed, a little bit like he was the loser at school thankful for any kindness shown to him. He finally faced her front on and revealed his left eye, bruised a wicked shade of purple and stitched, just beside the eyebrow. It was an ugly sight and she found it hard to suppress her gasp when she saw it.

"What happened?" she asked quietly, reaching over to lightly lay a few fingers just beside the wound. He bowed his head a little and didn't pull away when she reached for him. Feeling embarrassed and mighty sorry for himself he welcomed the sympathy her hand and her concerned expression extended.

"It was those bloody kids Jen," he answered. She knew immediately who he meant and waited patiently for him to go on. "Tried to mug me but only managed to get the fifty I had in my pocket." He sat back and slumped down in his seat a little, raising a hand to bring an icepack back to his cheek.

"Are you ok though?" she was so genuinely concerned that she was even surprising herself.

"Yeah," he dismissed the question slightly. "This isn't the first black eye I've had you know." He smiled a small smile at her. "They were pretty on edge – too frenzied and concerned with getting whatever they could that they only had time to get the one punch in." He lowered his eyes. "But that was enough."

Jennifer could tell his ego was bruised – and to bruise Matt Ryan's ego was not easy because he didn't have a big one to start with. She remembered back to the traits she had been admiring in him earlier in the night.

"C'mon," she said, getting to her feet. "Are you allowed to go home?" He nodded, struggling to his feet slowly to stand beside her. "Well I'll call Emma then." She reach into her bag for her phone, but he reached out and pulled her hand back out again.

"Don't bother," he said. "I dunno where she is…I've been trying her all night. She was probably so pissed off at me she turned her phone off."

"Oh." Jennifer didn't know what to say to that one. "Well then, want to -?"

She didn't even have a chance to finish her question before he nodded yes. "All righty then," she said under her breath. She turned away from him and started walking back towards the exit raising her eyebrows to no one in particular as she did so. This was surprising. Maybe things were worse than she thought. It made her feel a little uncomfortable – she didn't want to be any kind of rebound girl, in any way.

They walked out to the carpark together, him only half a step behind her. He was quiet and Jennifer found it perplexing. She had a feeling he was thinking about as many things as she was right then. When they got to her car she held the door open for him and watched him fold his big body into the front passenger seat. He still couldn't really meet her eyes and wouldn't say a word. Maybe he is more embarrassed about this than I thought, Jennifer mused to herself. She was puzzled – it could've happened to anyone of them. Maybe he was more macho and had a bigger ego than she realised.

They drove back to her house in silence, and not until they pulled into her driveway and Jennifer pushed the gears into park did Matt finally open his mouth. "Sorry to have called you so late. Were you asleep?"

He sounded so apologetic that she smiled and lied. "Nah," she smiled.

He seemed relieved. "Good. I didn't really know who else to call. I could've driven myself home I 'spose, but I dunno…" he trailed off. Jennifer got the point right away but she didn't admit to him, or even barely to herself, how warm it made her feel inside. If nothing else at least they were friends and she was glad that he had turned to her at his time of crisis.

"C'mon, let's go inside." She hurled herself out of the car and waited for him to exit so that she could lock the doors with her central locking gadget. He followed her up the front walk and onto the front verandah and waited silently again as she unlocked the door and led him inside.

"Make yourself at home," she gestured to the couch as she turned on the lights. He nodded and sat down, still carrying his ice pack. He looked about a million years old, and she immediately knew that the pain in his eye was not the only thing troubling him. But she felt intrusive broaching the subject and so distracted herself by making tea in the kitchen.

Moments later they sat down together, steaming mugs of earl grey in their hands, not speaking. For a night where earlier the conversation had flowed so easily, it sure was a different story now. Jennifer thought it best they didn't draw it out. She made an effort to drink her tea as quickly as she could and bustled off to find a pillow and blanket for Matt.

It took a bit of searching – she barely ever had overnight visitors, and she ended up having to pull one of the pillows off of her own bed to give to him. Walking back into the lounge room, she found Matt staring into the bottom of his mug, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Matt?" she asked quietly, offering the pillow and blankets to him. "Reckon you can do something with this?" She smiled, trying to reassure him in some way. She felt she had little else to offer him after the night he'd had.

"Yeah, thanks," he smiled back at her – a lopsided smile thanks to his painful left side. He went about spreading a blanket on the couch.

_You know that I could use somebody_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_Someone like you_

"Ok then, well good night," Jennifer said, awkwardly shoving her hands into her jacket pockets and padding towards her bedroom.

"Jen?" he called out before she got too far away.

She turned back, her hand on the door frame, her face still concerned and understanding.

He looked at her with a sense of loss in his eyes – a sorrowful, uncertain look that made her want to just hold him and rock him to sleep like a baby. He held the pillow limply in his hands and she realised then how uncertain of life Matt always seemed – always concerned if he was good enough for Emma, good enough for the job, good enough for his father and his mothers memory. In a way she could understand all of these predicaments, and it was one of those things they shared, and which made her feel so connected to him.

"I think I'm going to break up with Emma."


	6. Everyone Has a Weakness

Chapter 6 Everyone Has a Weakness

Matt was awake with the crows, having been forced out of sleep by the sun that shone through the front windows of Jennifer's little house after neither of them had bothered to close the curtains the night before. It didn't matter though. He had barely slept anyway. Every time he was lulled into almost sleep, the pain in his cheek would reverberate again to keep him awake. If that wasn't hurting, he was awake because he couldn't stop thinking about Emma and the news that he was determined to break to her as soon as possible.

He got up quietly and actually got all the way out to the driveway until he realised he didn't have his car. Dammit, he thought. No way of avoiding awkward moments with Jen then. He was forced to wait for her to wake up and they would have to go into the office together. With a sigh he headed back inside.

He sat at the breakfast table and sipped at another cup of tea, hoping it would energise him in the same way coffee often did, and waited for Jen to stumble in. It didn't take long, and to his surprise she was dressed and looking great even at 7am. They shared the usual morning greetings, skirting around the starkly obvious subject that sat like a white elephant in the middle of the room. Matt didn't want to discuss it anymore. He couldn't believe that he had revealed so much to her last night.

Jennifer flew in a flurry around the kitchen, getting herself breakfast, and only minutes later she was ready to go. She held a travel mug in her hand and a poptart in the other.

"Poptarts?" Matt couldn't help but ask.

She laughed. "Shut up," she scolded. "They're my weakness. Cereal and fruit and all that healthy stuff are so boring." She headed for the door before he could think of a comeback.

Later that day the entire team worked quietly at their desks inside the Homicide building completing paperwork and tying up loose ends. Jennifer occasionally shot looks in Matt's direction to see how he was doing, but he gave little away. It was like nothing had ever happened – that the black eye was simply a mark on his face, not a dent in his pride. It seemed he just wanted to forget about it. As muggings went, it wasn't really that serious, she supposed, but it was still a bit scary, even for a cop. She wasn't sure whether to admire Matt for his strength or frown at his male stubbornness.

"Jennifer? Matt?" Stanley stood at the door of his office and looked over at his small team. Every head snapped up at the sudden break in the silence of the office, but quickly went back down as Jennifer and Matt rose from their desks. Heading into Stanley's office, Jennifer raised her eyebrows at Matt – part in asking how he was and part in wondering why they were being called into the boss's office. Together.

They stood in front of Stanley's desk, feeling a little uneasy, for more than one reason. There was always something a little unsettling about being called into the boss's office and Jennifer always worried they were going to tell her she was not cut out for police work and were going to turf her out, even though she had been a member for so many years now. It was ridiculous and she knew it, but there was still always that tiny moment of hesitation and worry.

"I've just been informed a body has been found in a park by Federation Square. It looks like a street kid." Stanley paused, waiting for a reaction from Matt. When Matt remained stone faced and cold in stature, Stanley went on. "I want you two to go out there and suss it out – who knows, maybe we can get a lead on your case too Matt."

Matt frowned and finally showed some expression. Jennifer noticed that it was the same look of embarrassment he'd had the previous night in the ER. "Really sarge, I just want to forget about it," he said quickly. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked at the carpet.

"I understand that Matt, but no matter what you feel, it happened, it was a crime, and someone should be held responsible." Stanley spoke firmly, allowing no room for interruption or dispute.

Matt nodded and followed Jen out the door and back into the office. They quickly gathered their belongings and headed for the crime scene.


	7. Target on my Back

Chapter 7 Target on my Back

The body lay slumped in a drain, curled up and cowered over, probably half the size it must've once stood. Here was a person defeated and without hope, who had been powerless to stop what had happened to them. Jennifer shuddered at the sight and noticed Matt staring at it blankly in the same way.

A local uniform hovered annoyingly beside them and began filling then in on the details of the murder. He spoke fast and Jennifer had to lean in to ensure she caught every word clearly and properly.

"Homeless youth, approximately 15, likely user, no suspects, been here about 12 hours or so," he said. "No ID of course, but we've been in contact with a local youth worker who thinks he has a good idea who it is, going by who fronts up for the free breakfast at the church every morning."

Jennifer and Matt nodded, scribbling the details down on their clipboards, their minds ticking over already. They walked away from the scene and stood at the edge of the small park, absorbing the area around them. Jennifer felt the uncanny feeling of being watched and did a full 360 to see who it was. But there were no eyes to be seen. She looked harder, moving a little ways away from Matt, but was immediately confronted by a man wearing the collar. The annoying uniform introduced him as Father Townsend, the head of a branch of Youth off the Streets.

Father Townsend didn't hold back. "I'm pretty sure it's Clem Wheeler." He seemed crest fallen at his own certainty as to who the victim was. "He was the clear target."

"A clear target?" Matt asked. "What do you mean by that?" He was intrigued, and he and Jennifer both leant forward.

"These kids, you've gotta understand, they have no hope. None," the Father explained. "They're probably going to live their whole lives on the street. They'll die here. The only people they know are here. It's just the way their life is. I try to change it, but you can never save them all."

Jennifer frowned in confusion. It felt like she had just opened a book up in the middle and couldn't work out what was going on. "What makes you so sure it's Clem over there?" Jennifer asked, shielding her eyes from the four o'clock sun that streamed through the trees.

"Well he didn't show up at the church this morning, and I knew he wouldn't have missed it. We were going to talk." The Father folded his arms over his chest.

"Talk about what?" the two detectives said at once.

"Clem was into drugs, but he was also pretty determined to get off them. I had offered him a spot at a new clinic I've opened up on my farm. We were going to sort out the final details today. He was really looking good to make a go of it. I know he wanted to get clean. He didn't want this life anymore." He glanced over in the direction of the drain sadly. The Father was short and stubby, and had a pudgy face. But every crease and line on it was one etched out of concern and kind heartedness. He looked just the part of a person who saved street kids. Jennifer liked him already.

Matt squinted in the sunlight. "Hang on a sec," he ordered. "Take me back a step – you said Clem was a clear target – for what?"

The Father shrugged his shoulders sadly. "Clem wasn't the only one who wanted a spot on my program. This is their way of life detective. They battle for everything they have. And when one kid gets a little bit of luck thrown his way, the others are none too happy. You can't blame them really. They all just want another chance. But they're that desperate that when one gets that lucky break he also gets pushed to the front of the queue to pay for it too." The Father folded his arms over his chest and sighed sadly, looking again over at the body lying in the storm drain.

"So you're saying that Clem was killed because his friends were jealous of the fact he was about to enter your program and get a second chance at a good life?" Jennifer asked.

The Father nodded miserably. Jennifer could tell he'd formed a bond with the victim. But she was already reeling at the callousness of it all – she found it so hard to comprehend that a group could act in such a way when they should've been tight knit and looking out for each other.

Matt and Jennifer returned to the crime scene and wracked their brains. "We've got to find some of these kids, pump them for info," Jennifer decided, standing beside her partner in the late afternoon sun.

"Yeah…" Matt replied, sounding less than enthusiastic. "Tomorrow though hey?"

Jennifer looked at him again, taking in his pitiful expression. He looked as tired as he had the previous night and she immediately felt sorry for him. She nodded. "Yeah, let's get what we need and get out of here."


	8. Weak at the Knees

Chapter 8 Weak at the Knees

Jennifer was cleaning up her desk and eyeing the clock as she did so. She couldn't believe it was already so late. She just wanted to get home and lie on the bed and not move until morning.

She looked up when Matt approached her desk. They were the only two in the office at this hour, and she could tell he was just as eager to get out of there. It'd been a long 24 hours.

He finally smiled – the first time that day probably, she thought. She smiled back, but didn't say anything, and continued to straighten up her files.

"Heading home?" he asked her casually, perching himself on the corner of her desk. She nodded in reply. "Want to grab some dinner?"

She couldn't help it. Her heart gave a little flutter, even though it was not an invitation she'd never had before from him. But wasn't he supposed to be going home and breaking up with Emma? "Sure," she answered anyway.

"Great!" he responded, sounding genuinely pleased. "Let's go then." And with that she followed him out of the building.

It was somewhere between the lift and the carpark that Jennifer began to realise what a bad idea this was. She stopped short before they left the sanctuary of the complex. "Matt, wait."

He stopped and turned around, his long coat swaying out behind him as he spun around. "Aren't you hungry?" he asked innocently.

She almost folded. "Yeah…but…don't you have to talk to Emma? Isn't that more important than Chinese food?" she raised her eyebrows again at him.

She saw his shoulders fall, like she had just reminded him of what he really needed to do. He'd been putting it off all day and he knew it. "I do…but she's not even going to be home tonight Jen. I'd just be going home to an empty house."

Jennifer was ashamed to admit that that was all it took for her to give in, even though she knew she really shouldn't have let it. He needed to sort out his problems with Emma before anything else. But yet here they were about to grab dinner together. It may've seemed like a simple and innocent thing, but she knew it wasn't. Not for them anyway.

"Oh all right," she said. "Let's go back to my place."

Thirty minutes later they were sitting on Jennifer's couch – the same couch Matt had slept on the previous night – eating Chinese food out of plastic containers. They didn't seem to have a lot to say to each other, so concentrated almost entirely on their peanut sauces and noodles and prawns.

"Jen?" Matt broke the silence after a good ten minutes of no talking.

She looked up, a little clump of rice hanging from the corner of her mouth. She was dressed casually now she was at home, and Matt liked that. It wasn't a very different look to what she had in the office, but it was still different. She seemed like a different person in yoga pants and a long sleeved tan coloured top that wrapped around her and tied behind her.

"What do I mean to you?" he asked matter of factly.

"Sorry?" she spluttered, swallowing her food with a little difficulty.

"I'm just curious," he shrugged, realising he didn't really have the words to explain this and perhaps shouldn't have lain his rawest feelings out onto the coffee table.

But Jennifer surprised him.

She took a few moments to think of her answer. "Well I'll be honest," she began. "Some days I don't know what I'd do without you." She smiled warmly at him and he thanked his lucky stars for their friendship, and not for the first time. Her answer spurred him on.

"Because you mean everything to me Jen," he admitted. "If nothing ever happens with me, with this job, with you, whatever, I just want you to know that." He looked down at his food, his cheeks blushing a little. "And thanks for everything last night."

Jennifer didn't quite know what to say. It was one of those statements that changes your life. So powerful, such a revelation, that everything you previously thought and felt changes.

_I'm holding every breath for you_

On impulse, she leant over and hugged him. "I lied," she said quietly into his shoulder. "_Everyday_ I don't know what I'd do without you." She pulled back after a moment and they looked into each others eyes. They both smiled and went back to their food, sitting quietly once again, Matt's demeanour immediately changing after hearing Jen's secret. He sat back and took another sip of the red wine from the bottle they were quickly diminishing.

_If you asked me if I loved him_

_I'd lie_

As he finished off another garlic covered prawn, Matt thought back over the last few months. He remembered only too well the feelings of disappointment, devastation and total loneliness he felt the day Jen told him to call Emma after she had just spent hours with a crazed gunman. It was so engulfing that even he couldn't fully understand it himself. He wasn't sure what he had wanted her to say, but it certainly wasn't that. It was as good as her saying no to anything he might ever ask her. And to know that before he'd even got up the courage to ask anything was like being hit when you're already down. It hurt like hell.

Because he wanted her to say yes, wanted her to hug him harder, wanted her to let him take her home or buy her some takeaway that they could sit on her couch together and eat. He didn't want her to reject him, because it made he and Emma seem all the more perfect. He'd had his doubts at first about them and their compatibility, and was, possibly, although he'd barely admit it to himself, holding out for Jen to feel the same way about him as he felt for her. He wanted her to let him know somehow, but every which way he'd tried, every opportunity he'd given her, she'd knocked back. And the thing was, she did it so kindly, with such logic and reason that he couldn't argue with her and couldn't find a reason to argue with her or to broach the subject again, because the reasons she gave always made so much sense. So why did it still lay in the back of his mind, like Christmas decorations - there was always a time when you could bring them out and have some fun, but the rest of the year they sat stuffed in a drawer or in a corner covered in dust. But they were always there, just waiting for their time, waiting for another chance.

And if he were honest with himself he wanted Jen to step in and shake his life up a little. He felt like he needed that.Because more than anything Matt Ryan did not want to end up alone. Not like his tortured soul of a father. He'd rather die than live a lonely and meaningless existence like that.

And now suddenly here they were. It seemed last night, even though nothing had happened worth writing home about, had been another turning point. He felt like they'd overcome the first hurdle at the Astoria somehow, and now here she was, letting him buy her take away and eat it in her company. Were things finally happening? Finally turning around? Even though Emma still sat in the back of his mind, he didn't want to be anywhere but sitting beside his colleague right now.

Jennifer placed her container of food on the coffee table in front of them and got up, unfolding her legs from underneath her like a ballet dancer. "I'll be right back," she said and wandered out of the room. He nodded and went back to his food, slowly allowing himself to wallow happily in the feelings she'd just created inside him by admitting she couldn't do without him.

Moments later his gaze drifted to the door to the kitchen, then over to the hallway as Jennifer reappeared. He put down his food and watched her as she shimmied into a dark blue hoodie emblazoned with her university's name and walked back over to the couch. She smiled at him as she sat down again, her glass of wine in her hand.

The wine is certainly going to help what I'm about to say, Jennifer thought to herself. She always got a little bit bolder when she'd been drinking, like most people. She just hoped she wouldn't say too much and start babbling and scare him off.

She swirled the red liquid around in her glass. Taking another sip, she looked up at him. "I don't want to interfere Matt," she began. "I hope I haven't already caused a rift between you and Emma." She didn't want to be the cause of Matt's unhappiness.

He reached out and put a hand on her knee. "It's not you, don't worry," he reassured her. "I don't think we were ever really right together. I feel too awkward around her still to ever see our relationship progressing." Despite admitting this, he sounded sad at the thought.

"Good," she sounded so relieved as she sat there with her glass of wine. "Because…" she stumbled, scared and embarrassed at what she was about to say. She blushed. _God, c'mon, you're not 13 anymore!_ She thought to herself. It didn't matter. She still felt the same. "Well because I've maybe been re thinking the offer you made me ages ago." She looked at him and almost winced.

But he knew what she meant immediately. The offer he had made her – the one she had so kindly refused that night at the bar over Karen Hatzic's screaming orgasms – had been one of the low points for him. He hadn't let himself get too excited as to what her answer might be in case he was let down, and he thanked his lucky stars he had_. I think we should just focus on our careers_ had been what she'd said wasn't it? He had felt sad when she had rejected him like that, but had kept up a cool face in front of her. If that was what she wanted, then that was how it would be. You can't force these things onto people, he had thought to himself at the time.

"Ohhhh," he answered and grinned, for the first time in a long time.

"But you're with Emma, and I don't want to come between that. I couldn't interfere. As if relationships aren't messy enough already!" she laughed softly.

"But if I wasn't?" he proposed. The hopeful way he said it made Jennifer thankful she was sitting down, because everything that he was thinking but not saying was making her go weak at the knees.


	9. Inches Closer

Chapter 9 Inches Closer

Jennifer walked into the office the next morning knowing little of what to expect. As always the conversation with Matt had ended kind of awkwardly and without any real resolution. One of them always got cold feet and backed out. She felt like they hid so much from each other, yet deep down they both knew that there could be no one better to confide in but each other. It was a frustrating game.

She wandered all day what it would take to change things between them. She knew it had to be something huge – would Matt and Emma breaking up do it? Would one of them leaving Homicide do it? She frowned as she considered that option, seated at her desk just before lunch, and shook her head a little at herself for even thinking it. She didn't want to leave Homicide. She liked it there more than in any other department she had ever worked. And she knew Matt enjoyed the job as well. Plus, they worked well together. And they knew they didn't want to work apart. They were a good team. And besides, hadn't she just admitted to him over takeaway that she couldn't get through a day without him? Maybe the something huge had already happened, and it had come out of her mouth!

"Jen!" Matt's voice sailed across the office plan.

Her head snapped up. How long had he been calling her? She'd been in dreamland, well and truly. She pushed her chair out in a hurry, almost toppling it over. She stood half seated, half standing, at her desk as Matt sauntered over, his hands in the pockets of his pants, completing his usual scruffy yet somehow pulled together look. It sometimes only just made him look like a D. A little bit more of a daggier shirt or tie and he would never have been able to assert authority the way he did. No one would believe he was a cop. She smiled. Somehow that was probably what attracted her to him, she thought to herself.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked as he stood in front of her. It was amazing the way they could flip back and forth between having incredibly deep conversations full of intimate truths and secrets when they were alone to being together at work and pretending as if those moments alone had never even happened. It was as if there were two Jens and two Matts. Although maybe it was a good thing.

"Nothing, nothing," she muttered with a smirk on her face. "What were you calling me for?"

He looked a little embarrassed. "I was just thinking we should head down to that youth centre and have a few more chats." He seemed eager to escape the prying eyes of Simon and Duncan. They never stopped hassling him about Jen – constantly dropping hints about how he should approach her or what he should say. They completely disregarded the fact that Emma was his current live in girlfriend. But then so did Matt at times. And if that wasn't a sign he needed to make a change in his life, what was? Most days he barely even thought about her – it was only when he was at home and she was right there, in his face, that she was an issue. The rest of the time his mind drifted into Jennifer Mapplethorpe territory. Especially after their little deep and meaningful the other night. He still felt warm at the thought of what she had said. And the way she had hugged him. It was unlike any feeling he'd had before. She'd just been so sincere. He knew she was confiding in him her rawest truths. It had given him a little more courage, but he still knew he was a long way off.

Jen nodded and gathered her things, following him out of the office.


	10. The Favour

Chapter 10 The Favour

Jennifer wound through the city street headed for the youth centre. She was glad to be the one driving, as it provided a distraction for her from Matt. She felt sorry for him instead, seated uncomfortably in the passenger seat with very little to do but talk to Jen in a way he clearly did not feel ready for.

She thought it best that she be the one to take the lead, now that they were alone again. "Matt…" she began, feeling the butterflies erupt in a wild ball of energy in her stomach once again. "I hope I didn't put you on the spot too much last night. You're perfectly within your rights to give me the flick. I made you wait and that was…selfish of me." She felt ashamed. She didn't really feel she deserved another chance. She should've taken up his offer when he'd first put it down on the table.

He shook his head, looking up and into her eyes at last. "Nah you didn't," he reassured her. "I kind of made you wait too. I think I just get caught up in distractions I guess."

As they drew closer to the youth centre the car went silent once again. It frustrated Jennifer. If they couldn't talk now what made her think that the conversation would ever flow any easier if they became involved? It all seemed too hard sometimes, but she foolishly kept hoping against hope that somehow, sometime, it would all work out and the conversation would flow easily between them. She couldn't wait for the time when they had no reservations about each other and they could speak like the friends they both knew they were.

When they returned a few hours later from a highly unsuccessful expedition to see the Father, they were ready to pack their things away early and head home. But as they stepped out of the lift they were greeted with a smiling Simon. In his arms he cradled a paper bag from the bakery around the corner and a tray of coffees – extra large.

"Just the people I want to see!" he beamed at them, not allowing them to pass.

"I'll only talk to you if that coffee is for me," Matt replied, looking weary.

"Absolutely champ!" he said, handing one of the cups to his colleague. He turned to Jennifer. "And this one is for you." He handed her the cup and she took it, narrowing her eyes at him.

"What's going on? It's not even payday. Why the shout?" It was her coppers instinct to be suspicious.

Simon almost winced as he handed her the paper bag too. Jennifer took a peek inside then held it open for Matt who raised his eyebrows at the contents. "Cinnamon scrolls Si!" Matt exclaimed. "This must be a big favour."

"It is," he replied. "Sit down."

Jennifer sat down in the nearest chair, wondering why on earth she felt so tired. It had not been a very taxing day but she suspected her weariness stemmed from a side more mental than physical. Across the desk from her Matt rested in a similar way, salivating over his piping cup of coffee.

Simon leaned over the desk and put on his most convincing voice. "I've set up an OP for tonight," he began. "And I need you two to be my actors."

"Actors?" Jennifer mumbled, her mouth too full of scroll.

"You know how I'm working on that homicide of Rick Finn?" His colleagues nodded vaguely. "I've finally had a break through. The death was a hotshot and I've got a tip off it's coming from within the law firm itself. The one where Rick Finn worked. Some of his colleagues are seemingly not as chummy as we here in Homicide are."

"And?" Matt asked.

Simon rubbed his palms together, hoping against hope that Matt and Jen would help him out. "And there's a company dinner on tonight, a charity event really – there'll be an auction and what not – and I need you two to go undercover for me."

"Why us?" Matt asked, as suspicious as Jen was.

"Why not?" Simon answered. "You two already look like a married couple. You have the legal brains to participate in a conversation if you need to. You'd fit right in! Annnnnddddd everyone else is busy." He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

Jennifer was leaning forward and contemplating Simon's proposition, an answer ready to erupt from her lips. But Matt couldn't move away from the fact that Simon thought he and Jen already looked like a married couple. Did they really?

Jen talked details with Simon as Matt remained silent. After a few moments they turned to him. "So what do you reckon Matty?" Simon asked hopefully. The expression on Jen's face was pleasantly unperturbed.

"I guess so," he replied, trying to sound as casual as possible, even though really he was bursting inside. Maybe this was their chance. Their second chance.

Jennifer smiled, gulping down the last bite of her scroll and throwing her coffee cup into the waste basket. "OK," she said, looking at Matt with a smile, the same hopefulness enveloping her. "Pick me up at seven."


	11. An Acting Exercise

Chapter 11 An Acting Exercise

When the doorbell rang at seven on the nose, Jennifer found herself beaming as she headed down the hallway to open the door. They had left the office a little before four and the spare few hours spent away from work had rejuvenated her somewhat. She'd had more coffee, a short nap and a long shower. Now she was ready to go and actually excited about the night ahead.

She flung open the door to reveal a smartly suited up Matt Ryan holding a single white lily. As much as she tried to stop it, her heart melted right then and there. Inviting him in, she accepted the flower and made a quick job of putting it in a vase and setting it on her bedside table.

When she emerged Matt smiled at her, looking more relaxed than he had in days. "Ready to go?"

She nodded and took his arm when he offered it, happily and easily falling into what Simon had called 'an acting exercise'. No matter how much she wanted it to be real.

As they drove into the city Simon spoke to them over Matt's mobile turned onto speaker. "I just want you to act totally normal," he instructed. "You're just from the 'burbs and there as guests from the university law association. Other than that, it's up to you. Make it up as you go along. And just look out for any dodgy dealings or anything that looks suspicious. I have a feeling it'll be hard to pick, but give it your best shot." Jennifer and Matt looked at each other with nervous smiles as they drove.

Five minutes later they had arrived. As if it had been planned that way, the dinner was being held in a ballroom at the Astoria. It was an area of the hotel that neither Jennifer nor Matt had been in before, but as they got out of the car, Matt couldn't help but feel happy that they were back there.

Jennifer walked around to Matt's side of the car. "So. An acting exercise," she said. "We can do this."

Matt nodded. "Yep. Easy. Just an acting exercise."

But as they headed inside they were still too shy to hold hands. Still though, Matt had a feeling the night would get better.


	12. Just Your Average Couple

Chapter 12 Just your average couple

As they headed into the ballroom and were led to their table by the event staff Jennifer snuck a smile at her colleague. She knew this had to be realistic. They had to blend in. And just like that she easily and quickly slipped into the wife role. She tucked her hand into Matt's and walked one step behind him, allowing herself to be lead through the crowds of people to their seats. His hand was warm and the skin smooth. He held her hand gently – his twice the size of hers but not overbearing or engulfing. Just the perfect fit.

Once they were settled, he smiled at her cheekily. "Nice acting so far my dear," he offered. She nodded at him, a smile permanently on her face, returning the compliment. It was like a private joke between them – this opportunity to take on new identities and live different lives, even if only for a night. It was a thrilling chance and a nice change from the usual work they did. Jen laughed, letting out all the tension that her coffee, nap and shower had not managed to get rid of. It felt good, and she settled back into her chair and said yes when Matt offered to get her a cocktail from the bar.

As they sat sipping their drinks they scanned the room, but despite not being in very familiar territory, they still couldn't see anything that Simon might want down on the rap sheet. Jennifer hoped this would be as easy night as it had been so far. After all, Simon only suspected internal dealing amongst colleagues. He wasn't certain. Tip offs have been wrong in the past, she thought to herself.

Before dinner was served, the bidding for a silent auction took place and the room suddenly felt a lot smaller as the patrons who had all previously been sitting suddenly stood up, milling around and taking in the pieces on offer for the auction. As they placed their bids Matt thought it a good time for he and Jen to get up and mingle, just so that Simon wouldn't think they were total slackers.

He took her hand again and led her towards the tables displaying various paintings, sporting memorabilia and ornaments up for auction. As they studied the pieces, a smartly dressed couple approached Matt and struck up a conversation about a flag signed by the Australian Olympic team that Matt and Jen were standing in front of.

"Placing a bid?" the man asked with a warm smile.

Still holding Jennifer's hand, Matt shook his head and snuck a quick look at his partner. Her expression was classic – go for your life it said.

"Not tonight I'm afraid," Matt replied, smiling just as warmly back at the couple.

"Just as well!" the woman, decked out in a pretty brown and white cocktail dress, said with a chuckle. She sipped at her champagne. "My husband wants that flag. If you'd wanted it too we might've had a bidding war on our hands!" The four of them laughed politely and introduced each other, Matt and Jen making up their story as they went along. It was surprisingly easy.

"Oh no," Matt said sincerely, slipping into the 'actor' role as easily as Jen had. He reached over and laid his left hand lightly on her mid section as if he did it everyday. He smiled at the couple. "I've got much more important things to spend my money on."

The couple nodded knowingly, cooing and offering congratulations on the impending arrival of a Mapplethorpe Ryan baby. As they walked away and back to their table, Jennifer had to stifle her laughter behind her hand.

"A baby?" she asked, grinning stupidly. "You're going to have fun with this aren't you Matt Ryan?"

"Oh indeed," he replied, never letting go of her hand.


	13. Hidden in the Darkness

Chapter 13 Hidden in the darkness

Later, tired of repeating his 'story' to the other people in the ballroom about where he and Jennifer were from and when their baby was due, Matt scrounged up the courage to ask her onto the dance floor. He had little doubt she'd say yes, as it was clear that she was having just as much fun with this acting exercise as he was, but it still took a fair whack of his courage.

They walked slowly out into the middle of the large dance floor and allowed themselves to be swallowed up by the swarms of other couples swaying to the light music in the semi darkness. Overhead fairy lights glittered and Jennifer was almost overcome with the romance of it all. So much so that she let Matt slip his arms around her and move her in time with the soft beats.

It was a nice feeling, and it had been a good night. She was pleased she had let Simon talk her into it. And Matt into it. There was no one she'd rather be with right then.

_Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again_

"Let's pretend we've started a new," Matt whispered in her ear as they swayed. "Even if it's just for tonight." Jen nodded ever so slightly into his shoulder. Why not, she thought. If we don't it might never happen. Life will never change.

An hour or so later, as the party wound up, Jennifer began feeling the effects of the champagne and cocktails she'd been drinking. But it was only a slight light headedness – just enough to make the night last forever in a nice little alcohol induced glow, but not so much that she didn't have her wits about her.

Since Matt had also been drinking, they stood on the curb side in the cold and tried for several minutes to hail a taxi, leaving their car for morning. Ever the gentleman, Matt surrendered his jacket to wrap around Jennifer's bare shoulders. She smiled up at him and noticed that once he had put the jacket over her, his hand slipped right back down to his side where it smoothly found its way into her hand again. They had been holding hands almost all night.

Finally a taxi pulled up and they scurried inside. Only ten minutes later they were back at Jennifer's place scurrying back out into the cold night air. Only a few street lamps provided little pools of light outside her house and they both made an effort to walk carefully up the footpath to the front door, little dew drops on the grass blotting at their shoes and ankles.

When they reached it Jennifer looked at Matt with a smile. "Coffee?" she asked, knowing she didn't even mean it. He nodded and followed her inside as she unlocked the door. Matt had no idea what might happen should he go inside, but decided at that moment that he had nothing to lose.

Jennifer headed into the kitchen, but stopped half way there. She knew Matt had stopped behind her a few steps earlier. It was like he could read her mind that night. Turning around, she stepped back towards him and lingered for a moment, leaning her shoulder against the wall. She almost couldn't see him in the semi darkness, but the shadow he made was anything but imposing or scary.

It was like for a second, they both weren't sure whether to approach, even though they both had yearned for this moment for so long. Something about Jen made Matt feel incredible – but also made him feel nervous and hesitant and like he was never going to be able to make their relationship work. He stared at the floor, hoping that if something were to happen that she would initiate it.

_I love it in the city when two worlds collide_

Luckily, she did. It only took three steps for her to reach him. She shrugged his jacket off her shoulders and held it to her chest slightly, not quite offering it back to him. That was his cue and he knew it. He bent his head down for a deep kiss, holding her face delicately.

She responded exactly as the fairy tale of their night would've dictated and every bad memory seemed to melt away. All there was now in the darkness was lilies and fairy lights and a little idea of what their life could be like together if they let it. There was no work, no Emma, no attacks by strangers, no nothing.

Jen tore her lips from his a few moments later and looked up into his soothing and kind eyes. "Are you sure about this?" she asked him in a whisper. He nodded without hesitation and they kissed again, deepening their embrace there in Jen's hallway. But she pulled away yet again, still unsure. "What about Emma?"

Matt pressed his lips together in preparation for the revealing of the truth. "Emma was a mistake," he replied, running his fingers lightly along the bottom of her finely boned cheek. "It should've always been you Jen."

_I love you so much I can't count all the ways_

It was that something huge they'd both been waiting for.


	14. The Bystander Effect

Chapter 14 The Bystander Effect

Swinging into a shady laneway, Jennifer maneurvered the car in a parallel space right outside the front door to the Father's sanctuary in the middle of the city. Unbuckling her seatbelt Jennifer immediately felt a little more at ease in the setting. The way the overhanging, droopy tree ferns hung over the fence, their long limbs providing a cool, quiet shade that almost seemed like a protective blanket around your shoulders calmed her and without realising it, she let her guard down. It slipped away along the slippery curb side, down the laneway and into the storm water drain. And she barely noticed.

The door to the youth centre was wide open and Jennifer followed Matt up the rough uneven brick path towards it. As she set her foot on the welcome mat though she heard a high pitched yell at her left. It was so full of anger and desperation that she actually jumped a little within and froze , half inside the door.

"You stupid idiot!" a tall and heavy set young man threw an equally tall guy against the wooden fence, a mere twenty metres from where Jennifer and Matt stood. "Do you know what I had to do to get that?" he screamed with such a growl in his voice that Jen wondered what could ever have happened in a person's life to make them speak with such aggression. She stole a fleeting glance a Matt, barely even moving her eyes, and saw that he was thinking the exact same thing.

Only seconds later they were running, desperate to tear the boys apart and end the bloodshed. There was already blood all over the curb where the victim had fallen to after he'd slumped off the wooden fence. A gash was sliced right down his left temple, but it didn't stop his attacker from putting the boot in again and again.

Jennifer reached them first and without thinking lunged right in, trying to separate the two. She expected Matt to be right behind her, always getting her back, just like they had been taught in training school all those years ago, and even more so after the other night. But right then he took two moments too long and wasn't there to reach out and catch her when the attacker took a swipe at her.

_You're over there when I need you here_

Instinctively she ducked and stumbled backwards, losing her footing and falling onto the road. She landed heavily on her backside, placing far too much weight on both her wrists to break her fall. A sound erupted in surprise and pain that she didn't even know had left her mouth until after she heard it – it was simply a reaction her body created as it bore the brunt of the fall.

"Get away from me!" the boy growled again, pulling out a shiny pocket knife with its blade exposed. He took attempted a swipe at her, seemingly only to scare her more than actually hurt her. She didn't breathe for a good ten seconds as she never took her eye off that blade. As he stared menacingly down at her, a true tower of a guy, Matt finally appeared at her side, kneeling down and slipping an arm around her to help her to her feet. As he did so the knife wielding boy turned his attention back to his original victim. Jennifer's eyes brimmed with tears immediately and she struggled to keep them from spilling over onto her cheeks.

"Dylan!" came a shout. It was the Father, running towards the scene. He was frowning and running faster than Jen and Matt expected him to be able to run for a man his age, and he did not hesitate to lunge in the way Jen had, trying to separate the sparring pair.

But they were far from finished. The melee spilled out onto the main road where before Matt's very eyes, three more young men stepped only slightly out of the laneway shadows and shocked the detectives as much as Dylan's violent actions had only a few seconds earlier. Matt was speechless as he watched the scene in front of him – it was difficult to comprehend that not only himself, a supposedly highly trained officer with years of experience, but also the other young men witnessing the attack, simply stood by and watched without moving to intervene. It was the bystander effect - each person assuming that the other will do something to stop a crime from happening. But nobody does. Matt knew from experience that as street kids these boys likely shared a bond that saw them survive life on the unforgiving streets of Melbourne together. So it was disturbing that as soon as one of them was singled out, they all fell out of their ratty street kid line and simply watched with no expression on their faces as one of their own was beaten to death.

Sitting forward with her head between her knees, Jen wasn't watching. The wind knocked out of her somewhat, she couldn't even feel Matt's arm still protectively around her middle. It might as well not have even been there for all the pain she felt at that moment, physically and mentally.

Matt, paralysed with fear as the memories of his attack came flooding back, felt more than helpless. More so, he felt unwilling to help for fear of coming out even worse for wear this time. Instead he remained kneeling beside Jennifer and watched as the Father managed to separate the affray with only his bare hands and several strong words.

Jennifer looked up at Matt moments later and saw the fear in his eyes. She recognised it – they had all had that look in their eyes at one point or another during their careers, but this time she only felt half sorry for him. The other half of her felt let down that he hadn't been right where he should've been – getting her back – and working as a team with her in a dangerous situation.

So it was her who struggled to awkwardly pull her phone out of her inner jacket pocket and call for back up as he continued to look bewildered at the now in control scene in front of him. She tried to get her breath back as she spoke to Stanley and nursed her sore wrists and back, at the same time watching as the Father, clearly a pro at situations like the one that had just come out of nowhere that afternoon, hurled two of the boys inside the centre, speaking with his head bowed to them both.


	15. The First Test

Chapter 15 The First Test

Duncan helped Jen into the backseat of the squad car, moving in a gentle way that Jen had never seen from him before. He was sympathetically quiet as they drove to the hospital and respectfully kept his distance when she was escorted into a consulting room once there.

He was soon joined by Matt, who sat silently next to him in the hard plastic chairs. The night was just falling, the last of the afternoon slipping away beneath the city skyline. It lingered a little bit, as if not wanting to end – perhaps trying to give itself a chance to right its wrong before darkness fell and it no longer could fix its mistakes.

But Duncan wasn't the type to stay silent forever. "What happened out there Matty?" he asked in his usual tone – the tone that demanded an answer and always sounded slightly angry, even when he didn't mean for it to.

Matt shook his head in a helpless reply. "I froze," he admitted, staring at the floor between his feet. "I didn't know what I was doing and suddenly I was too late to catch her." He looked up at his brother officer. "I let her down Dunny." His heart dropped.

Duncan wasn't about to disagree. But he at least had the tact to not say it out loud.

Matt stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I 'spose I better go in and see her," he mumbled. Duncan nodded.

Jen sat on the edge of the examining bed, looking pale and exhausted. Her wrists were swathed in flesh coloured elastic bandages – Matt was relieved it wasn't plaster casts that were encasing her wrists at least. So she hadn't broken any bones. Thank goodness, he thought.

Jennifer looked at him as he made his way over to her. The last few days had been blissful. They hadn't said anything but they both knew they had accepted a new direction and up until today it had been all good.

But now…well now Jennifer wondered why just because they had slept together, once, in a fit of passion, that she had suddenly thought he would always be as close to her as he was that night after the party. It had felt so right, and the days that followed had felt the same, so she had assumed it would always be like that. Obviously that was foolish, she chided herself. Because less than a week in and it had all changed. Maybe it hadn't been the right decision that night. Maybe they didn't have as big a connection as she had always imagined them having. Because if they did would she be sitting right here in this hospital, right now, bruised and sore?

"I'm sorry Jen," Matt muttered, it hurting to say the words. And suddenly he made the decision he didn't know whether he would live to regret or not. "I let you down today…you deserve better…stronger," he added at the last minute.

She knew instantly that he was calling it off. He was putting an end to their briefer than brief romance. She wondered for a second if it was just because of the incident that afternoon or if it stemmed from his attack as well. He still bore a musty light purple bruise on his face from it. She knew that every time he looked in the mirror he probably winced upon seeing it.

Matt found it impossible to explain his feelings to her as he stood at the foot of the bed. He'd never ever pictured himself being the one to break up with her, especially when they'd only been together for five minutes. To be with Jennifer was his perfect ending, his ultimate. So breaking up was not a part of the equation. And besides, she was the strong, self-confident one – the one who had the guts to make the moves and the one who threw caution to the wind. She had more often than not called the shots between them. Now suddenly that routine had all been turned on its head.

_So goodbye_

_Please, don't cry_

_We both know I'm not what you need_

Jennifer didn't know what to say to him, so she said nothing. She cradled her wrists in her lap and simply watched him as he walked out of the room. Her heart hurt as he disappeared down the hallway and for the first time that day tears actually did spill down her cheeks, in a steady stream that she was powerless to stop. They finished the job of washing away the rest of the make up on her face that hadn't already been smeared, bumped or rubbed at that day.

A few moments later Duncan quietly entered the room, holding her belongings. Putting them down on the chair by the door he walked over to the bed and hoisted himself up onto it to sit beside her. He gathered her in his arms and held her as she cried proper sobs, letting out all the fear and disappointments the day had thrown at her.


	16. Worlds Apart

Chapter 16 Worlds Apart

Jennifer didn't come in the next day, at Stanley, and Duncan's insistence. She was fine with that. She had no desire whatsoever to get out of bed anyway. At the Homicide complex however, Matt showed up even earlier than normal. He thought he'd be the only one there so only in the morning, and he was looking forward to spending at least the first fifteen minutes at his desk with his head in his hands, just trying to sort out the mess his head and feelings had become. But no, Duncan walked in not two minutes after he had and Matt placed both his palms tiredly over his rugged face.

Duncan walked right up to Matt's desk and squatted by the wastebasket. Matt looked through his fingers at his colleague and said nothing.

"I don't think you've totally stuffed it with Jen mate," Duncan said kindly, even though he knew it was half lie. "Don't beat yourself up too much."

Matt gave Duncan a sarcastic look. "You don't have to bullshit me mate," he said quietly. "I know I ruined it."

But Duncan became more persistent the longer he looked at his crestfallen friend, changing his tune quite swiftly. "But there's probably a lot more to the situation than you guys have even realised yet. Sometimes we're lucky enough to get a couple of second chances," he tried to reassure him.

Matt shook his head sadly. "Nah," he admitted. "I don't think so."

When Matt finally went home, late that afternoon, it was the first time he'd been back at the place he shared with Emma for more than ten minutes in a long time. And as soon as he walked in he knew the situation had changed. He had been expecting it. And tonight he was going to do what he should've done months ago.

Emma was sitting at the kitchen bench, glumly stirring a bowl of two minute noodles. She looked up when her boyfriend walked into the room, looking as glum as she felt. "Nice of you to come home this week," she muttered, getting up and putting her bowl in the sink.

Matt took a seat at the bench next to the stool Emma had just vacated. "I'm sorry Em," he apologised, running a rough hand over his eyes tiredly.

Emma shook her head, an unforgiving look shadowing her face. "I'm sick of hearing your apologies Matt," she said. "They don't even mean anything anymore – you say them so much."

"I know," he admitted.

"I want to be there for you. But you clearly prefer the affections of someone else." Emma knew the deal, she wasn't silly.

"It hasn't been working for a long time has it?" Matt asked, feeling guilty.

Emma shook her head, beginning to lose control of her anger. "It has clearly been working for you and Jen." She folded her arms across her chest and challenged him to answer.

At the mention of his colleagues name he stood up, still prepared to defend her no matter what the situation. "It's not about Jen," he stated.

"Oh yes it is Matt. Don't lie anymore!" Emma scolded. "She has always been the problem in this relationship. I knew she'd break us. I knew right from the very start." She stormed out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom.

"The problem is that we're not right for each other," Matt replied, his voice rising. "Don't blame Jen. It's you and me who aren't clicking." He watched as she threw a suitcase on the bed and opened it up. It was already half full of clothes and shoes. Matt realised she had made her decision a long time ago. They were already worlds apart.

"Yeah but you don't have a problem making an effort to click with her do you?" she asked angrily. "You stopped making an effort with me months ago!"

"It wasn't a conscious thing Em!" Matt felt he was fighting a losing battle. "I love you…" he trailed off, wondering if he really did.

She stopped opening drawers of the dresser they shared and turned to face him. "But you love her more, don't you?"

Matt didn't answer. He didn't know at that moment how he felt about Jen. He knew he loved her, but that hadn't got him very far as yet had it? Was loving her enough? So far it didn't seem like it. And he was pretty sure that if he told Jennifer right now that he loved her, it wouldn't make a lot of difference. It wouldn't be enough.

Emma closed the suitcase. "I'm moving out Matt. I'm done trying." She picked it up and walked to the door before turning around, her hand on the door frame, her face softening at last. "You should be with her. It's obviously what you want." And with that she walked down the hallway and out the front door.

Matt sat down on the double bed and put his hands on his knees. Great, he thought. I can't do the right thing by Jennifer enough that we can maintain a relationship that lasts longer than seven days and now the woman who did previously stick by me for far longer than she probably should have has finally thrown in the towel.

_There it was – the whole world wrapped inside my arms_

_And I let it all slip away_

He suddenly knew exactly how his Dad had felt for so many years.

Matt Ryan had never felt more alone.


	17. Breaking the Silence

Chapter 17 Breaking the silence

"Matt? Matty!" Duncan tried to get Matt's attention as they walked down the hallway to the interview room. He snapped his fingers in his dazed colleagues face. He looked hagged and tired and was clearly not at all on the ball. "Get our mind on the job Matty. I've been working with you on this case for more than two weeks now and it's going nowhere!"

They reached the interview room door and stopped. "Now let's do this. We're not going to solve Clem's murder unless we do some real policework." Matt nodded obediently and mentally tried to pull himself together. He knew Duncan was right. He had spent more time the last two weeks trying to avoid Jennifer, cope with living alone and trying to think of something to say to Jennifer should he happen to run into her. He was mentally exhausted. And Clem's murder was still unsolved.

They entered the room, chests puffed up, ready to throw the hard questions at their interviewee and be relentless, even if they didn't feel that way on the inside. Matt especially. But that afternoon he finally began to at least try to separate work and private life.

Matt rubbed his hands together and leaned forward in his chair, hoping he would get some answers from the young boy in front of him.

"Did you know Clem well Brent?" Matt asked.

Brent shrugged back at the detectives. He sat slumped in his chair, hoodie engulfing his thin body, baseball cap practically melted onto his head it was so form fitting. The peak was bent and domed over his forehead so that it shielded his eyes almost entirely. He gave the impression he would give little away. But Matt wanted to crack the tough street kid exterior, no matter what it took.

"I'm sorry, what was that Brent? For the tape," Duncan persisted.

Brent shrugged his shoulders again, only lifting his head slightly. "Hung with him a bit," he surrendered.

"Did you guys ever do any drugs together?" Matt continued.

Again, a shrug was what began Brent's answer. "A bit."

Matt exhaled. "Did Clem talk to you about getting his place at the Father's farm?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Were you hoping for a place too?" Matt wondered what was underneath the sleeves of that hoodie. Was Brent trying to get clean the way Clem had been? Or were his arms littered with track marks?

"'Course," Brent replied, fleetingly looking into the detectives eyes. "But so was everyone. I didn't stand a chance."

At that moment it clicked inside Matt's head and he had no idea how. But he knew it was right. "But what if something happened? What if the list suddenly became shorter?"

"What?" Brent asked, irritated.

"Did you kill Clem?" Matt asked, slapping the question down on the table without hesitation. Duncan leaned back in his chair beside him and waited for the boys answer.

Matt knew that only one person could've killed Clem. These street kids stuck together when it was required of them to work like a team – during a bag snatching, say – but there would be no reason whatsoever for more than one of them to do the dirty on Clem. A group of them killing a friend wouldn't move them all further up the ladder. It had to be the job of just one in order to benefit just one. Was it Brent?

"No!" the boys voice was starting to crack – the pressure was showing. "Me and Clem were mates! You should be looking at the real desperates. I can get off the gear anytime I want," he insisted.

"That's what they all say mate," Duncan provided.

Brent leaned forward and folded his arms on the table. "No seriously. I could stop if I wanted to. I just don't want to. But there are some people who couldn't stop without the help of someone like Townsend. They're the ones you should be looking at."

"You reckon Clem could've stopped whenever he wanted as well?" Matt probed, slowly unravelling the clues.

"Yeah I reckon." Brent leant back in his chair again.

Duncan was catching on quickly to Matt's train of thought. "So Clem was offered a place at Father Townsend's farm but there were people out there who didn't think his addiction merited it as much as theirs?" he questioned.

Brent shrugged his shoulders again at them. "Would've been a waste of the Father's time and money if Clem could've got clean by himself wouldn't it?"

Matt and Duncan looked at each other and silently cheered. At least they could go home that Friday afternoon knowing they'd had a break through.


	18. Requiring Assistance

Chapter 18 Requiring Assistance

Seven days later Duncan and Matt were still questioning the gang that frequented Father Townsend's free church breakfasts. They were making headway but at an agonisingly slow pace. The code of silence had fallen over the group and they were giving little away, and it was requiring all of the Homicide squad's expertise to weed out the information they needed to solve Clem's murder. And all of their time. Matt spent five days straight pounding the pavement in the city centre, talking to witnesses and seeking out the streetkids he had yet to drag into the interview room. Some were near impossible to catch.

He and Duncan enlisted the help of Stanley a week after that to pick his brain in front of the whiteboard. The pieces were slowly coming together but they still hadn't narrowed it down to a small enough group of suspects. What they needed was a lucky break. Because Matt was growing more and more frustrated by the day – so frustrated in fact, that he'd begun losing count of the days.

Away from work he still hated being alone, and spent more time at the office than anyone else at Homicide, ploughing through paperwork and doing everything he could to keep from going home. When Duncan insisted he go home late one Wednesday night, he was reluctant, but also too tired to argue. He plodded down the stairs to the carpark underneath the homicide building. It was chilly and silent, just like Matt Ryan had felt for weeks now. As he started up his car, he turned the heater onto high in a vain attempt to change how he felt – on the outer anyway.

_It's been an age since I've seen ya_

_Count down as the weeks trickle into days_

Jennifer's mind had not been on the job lately. It was lucky Homicide was quiet of late. The only major case that was on was Clem Wheeler's murder. And Jennifer had voluntarily taken herself off that one. It was simply too hard, and she didn't have the strength to struggle through every work day right now.

It was making her role boring though, and on Wednesday night she got into bed early in a bid simply to cure her boredom. She figured she might as well sleep. She had little else to do.

As she laid huddled under the covers, one hand under her pillow and one hand folded into her chest in the darkness her mind drifted to Matt. She had put him out of her mind for days now, but at night she was helpless but to think of him. Especially on the nights when she couldn't get to sleep. Which was most nights. She couldn't understand how she still felt so strongly about it. Why was she feeling like this? He had let her down. He had held back. He hadn't been what she thought he would be.

But dammit she missed him. She missed that new feeling she got whenever they were alone together. She missed working with him. She missed how awkward he always seemed when crunch time came between them. But most of all she missed how she had begun breaking down those crunch time barriers with him. The night at the party had proved that. But now it was all lost. They had barely spoken in the last five weeks. They worked separately now. They didn't even get in the lift together at the end of the day.

Jennifer couldn't help but feel at a loss. Why did things have to be so hard?

_It's a quarter after one_

_I'm all alone and I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control_

_And I need you now_

Her phone chirped and buzzed on the nightstand suddenly. She rolled over to answer it and picked it up just before it vibrated completely off the table. She looked at the glowing screen. It was a message from Matt.

'Can we have coffee on the weekend?' was all it said.

She wouldn't admit it but she'd been waiting for a call like this and cracked half a smile as she punched in her reply.

'Yes,' she typed.


	19. Confronting the Truth

Chapter 19 Confronting the Truth

She sat at the outside table enjoying the Saturday morning sunshine on her shoulders. She was miles too early and tried to look busy on her phone as she waited for him.

Moments later though he was there. She watched him walk towards her, looking so different in casual dress. She supposed though that she too looked different in civvies. They spent so much of their lives working that to be just a normal person on a weekend was strange.

She stood up as he approached and wondered what to do. He stopped right in front of her and luckily they both leaned in for a hug at the same time, saving each other some awkwardness. He enveloped her heartily and she automatically sunk into his embrace, remembering how comfortable it always was in his arms. Still though, Jen knew she had to keep her emotions in check.

As they sat down a waiter sprung over to their table and wasted no time in taking their orders. They were soon in silence once again. Not much had changed, Jen thought to herself.

"I just wanted to tell you that Emma moved out," Matt finally surrendered.

"Why would you need to tell me that?" she was surprised at how snappy she sounded. Did he expect her to cheer about it? Grovel at his feet now that he was single again?

Matt stammered in his reply. "I just thought you'd like to know."

"You should've stayed with her," Jen replied. "Because we certainly weren't working out." Inside she was shocked at her tone of voice.

"Jen," Matt was shocked too. This was not the response he'd been expecting.

But Jennifer was having none of it and wondered why she'd even made the effort to come. It was just rehashing what had been rehashed already. They just went around in circles and she was not in the mood for it again. She pushed out her chair, uncaring as to whether she made a scene.

"Jen!" Matt stood up too, his voice insistent and harried, like it always was when he was stressed and was hammering out responses to people. "Can you not give me another chance?"

She walked onto the footpath away from the café front. "It's not just that Matt!" she answered, trying to keep her voice in check. "I feel like we've been trying to do this for so long but you keep letting things get in the way. I'm so tired of trying."

They looked at each other for a moment, squinting slightly in the sunlight. "But there's nothing in the way now…" he said quietly.

"I'm sorry Matt," she raised her eyebrows at him and gave a tiny shrug of her shoulders and then walked away.

But he stumbled after her, all the way to the end of the block. He finally caught her on the corner. He grabbed at her elbow. "But I miss you." It was a simple yet powerful statement.

"I miss you," he said again. "I miss you so much Jen. I miss talking to you and sitting beside you and eating food with you."

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_

Jennifer shrugged off his grip. "But that's as far as we ever get Matt! It's like we're in a boat and I'm rowing one way but you're rowing the other!" she explained, exasperated. What she really wanted to say was 'grow some balls and man up. Take the plunge.'

_Don't be afraid to jump then fall_

"Look. I'm sorry but I can't do this!" she said and crossed the street, truly spent. Matt watched her as she faded from sight, knowing he probably wouldn't get another second chance.

_What hurts the most, was being so close_

_And having so much to say, and watching you walk away_

Her emotions getting the better of her, Jennifer swiped at the tears that escaped down her cheeks as she walked away from him. When she got to the end of the next block she stopped and turned around, allowing her hair to blow in her face as she looked back to where she had left Matt. She could still see him, sitting on the curb with his head in his hands.

She wanted this so badly, but surely it wasn't supposed to feel this way? Maybe you needed more than just raw feelings and unadulterated passion to make a relationship work? Right then she didn't know one way or the other.


	20. So Many Little Pieces

Chapter 20 So Many Little Pieces

She could scarcely believe it had happened. She was always _so _careful. Not that she shared that kind of thing with just anyone – she could count them on one hand actually – and even though being with him had felt so much more right than any other partner she'd ever had, she was still her ever cautious self. So how the hell had she ended up pregnant? This was not what was supposed to happen. It had never even entered into her mind as happening actually. How was she going to tell him? He'd be even more freaked than her, and that was not comforting.

She was ashamed to admit even to herself, that she left it far longer than she should have. But she didn't know how to deal with it. She was sure most women in her position would immediately be thinking of all the glorious things that would now be becoming a part of their lives. But Jennifer was frightened and ashamed to admit that all she could think about was everything that would now be out of her reach. There were suddenly so many things she would never be able to do – not without a lot of difficulty and considerable forward planning anyway. Police work was the big loser. She could never go back to working in the capacity that she did right now, if she could even go back at all. Yeah yeah, they talked about equal rights and paid maternity leave and child care onsite and all that, but really, it would never work out that smoothly and she knew it.

She could never travel in the adventurous and exciting and daredevil ways she had in her twenties, nor could she enjoy the quiet time to herself that she often relished at the end of a long day. Everything was going to change. And while she knew it wouldn't all be doom and gloom and missed opportunities, and that a child – especially one born into a loving and happy household like the one she still dreamed of having with Matt – would also bring its amazing and life defining moments, right now she just couldn't get that excited. It was so much to accept and believe that she felt a strange out of body shiver – as if it wasn't really happening to her. Because she had never expected it to happen like this, and certainly not now. She wasn't so far along in a pregnancy that had gone so many weeks ignorantly unnoticed and waved off that overnight she had gone from being able to button up her pants to barely being able to disguise her stomach with even the biggest of jackets. She wasn't lost for words and emotions so much when it came to telling the man responsible for half of this that they were now inexplicably linked whether they wanted to be, or liked it or not. She wasn't on the verge of writing a long winded blubbery letter to the man she truly wanted to be with explaining everything and then running off in the middle of the night across the Nullabor so she never had to see any of her friends or colleagues again. Was this seriously happening to her? She honestly didn't believe it could be, but as another wave of nausea slipped over her, she was brutally shoved back into the real world and reminded that yes, it was happening to her.

She sat on top of the toilet seat and wondered for a second if she should take a test, but immediately decided against it. She didn't need a test to tell her she was pregnant. It was pretty darn obvious, in more ways than one, and she had always been very in tune with her body. She knew she was. She almost laughed when she thought back to all those days when she had snapped at Jerry to get inside, and when she had snapped at Matt at the café. Here was her explanation for that unusually moody behaviour she'd exhibited. There had been so many signs that she had made excuses for. But it wasn't even a matter of not being willing to admit she was pregnant when she had blamed her nausea on an out of date tub of yoghurt, or her low mood on the dreary weather. The chance that she might be pregnant had genuinely never even entered her mind. But her body was telling her the truth, even if her mind was fighting against it. She put a hand to her stomach – it still didn't feel real. But just like a case, all the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place.

Jennifer was in tune with her body, no question, but she wished feverishly that she was in tune with her thoughts and feelings. They felt like a blanket, slowly swallowing her up and shielding her from everything, not allowing her to get out. When had it all become so hard?

And for someone who was slightly on the boring side, who scarcely ruffled feathers, who wasn't out to be extraordinary – just ordinary, Matt sure had thrown up some surprises at her that made this all the more hard to deal with. The way he had taken the lead so boldly at the party. The way he had shocked her and made her question his commitment outside of Father Townsend's centre. The way he had broken up with her so quickly after they had gotten together. She was just so confused – would she have given him another chance, had he not broken up with her that night?

She heaved herself up to standing and padded slowly out of the bathroom, hating the feeling of her hair hanging loosely and in annoying little knots around her face, hating that her feet were cold, hating that her hands were so dry today, hating that she needed some lip balm badly but there was none within reach. She reached the living room and folded herself pathetically onto the couch, flinging a hand out to the back of it to grab at the doona that lay folded there. She spread it over herself and curled up into a ball sadly as the light began to fade outside. She just had nothing left today. She burrowed under the blanket, curling her hands up under her chin and bringing her knees up into her. She closed her eyes but knew sleep would never come.


	21. An Extension of Your Hand

Chapter 21 An Extension of Your Hand

Duncan may have often stood back and watched many of the office interactions, but he was always aware of what was going on. A label few would expect Duncan Freeman would attach to himself, he often thought of himself as something of a match maker. Or a peace keeper at least. When someone needed him, he was there. He had their back and their best interests at heart. And he seemed to have a special knack for noticing when something wasn't quite right – and often took it upon himself to fix the problem.

He watched as Matt glumly got into his car that afternoon, the same way he had for weeks now. With a blank stare on his face, he drove out of the car park and away from the only real sanctuary he felt he had right now. Duncan knew he would head home, crack open a beer, sit on the couch, turn on the tv and then not really watch it. The beer would never get finished as he didn't pay attention to the programs blaring in front of him. He would go to bed early and then rise early and do it all over again. Duncan knew Matt Ryan too well and knew this was not the way he was supposed to be. Duncan knew he had to do some nudging. But first he had to see if the other side needed some nudging too.

The light of the late afternoon had just slipped away as Duncan pulled into Jennifer's street. He had only been there twice before and worried momentarily that he might pull up into the wrong driveway. But as he approached where he thought Jen's house was, he saw her car at the far end of the drive and knew he had the right place.

He cruised in slowly and pulled at his hand brake gently. There was a stillness about her house that made him wonder for a second if she was even home, despite seeing her car in the driveway. It felt so empty. But he still walked up the footpath and to the front door, knocking anyway. The force of his knock was not hard, but it was hard enough to push the door open – it wasn't locked, which Duncan found odd. As police officers they were all very wary about security and had all had times where they'd had close shaves. He entered Jennifer's home with light footsteps.

But all he found was her on the couch in the semi darkness, hard to see swathed under such a heavy blanket. Only her forehead and eyes peaked out from underneath the cloak of protection. He stepped closer to her and squinted in the poor light to see if she was actually asleep. Jerry, sitting at Jennifer's feet, fluffed up his tail in territorial defence and gave a meow as Duncan got closer. The sound made Jennifer open her eyes slowly.

Duncan smiled down at her – his kind, larrikin, cheeky smile that she knew he charmed each and every single person he encountered with. It was probably his best feature, she thought fleetingly. He crouched by her side and looked at her sympathetically.

"Feeling under the weather a bit Jen?" he asked quietly.

She nodded silently in amongst her huddle of blankets. It seemed so pathetic to be like this, she thought to herself, but she just couldn't seem to pull herself out of the sludge that her day felt like.

_I'm a little bit lost without you_

_And I'm a really big mess inside_

"How's Matt?" she whispered tentatively, feeling like Duncan was the only one who she could trust with a conversation like this. He was the only one who would tell it like it is, because, like they always said at Homicide, they were brother officers – even though the group was not exclusively made up of men – and they went in to bat for each other. It was one of the group's qualities that Jen most cherished.

Duncan shrugged his shoulders and ran a hand over his forehead as he answered her. "Not the best mate," he answered honestly.

Jennifer pressed her lips together as a frown formed on her face. She stopped breathing in an effort to stop herself from breaking down in front of her colleague. "I miss him," was all she could manage.

And it was Duncan's nod of understanding, his grasping of the true feelings behind the messy situation Jennifer and Matt had found themselves in that caused Jennifer to lose it in front of him only moments later. If he could understand – if it was that obvious – then she knew that they should keep trying. She needed to see Matt again. She needed to talk to him and tell him that what she'd said at the café wasn't really what she meant. And she knew that Duncan would bring him to her.

Her colleague stood up again and tucked the blanket more securely around her shoulders before giving her a little stroke on the cheek with his hand, pushing her fringe out of her eyes.


	22. Sensing Your Needs

Chapter 22 Sensing Your Needs

Soon after Duncan left, Jennifer found herself again in the bathroom, scrutinising herself in the mirror. She looked at herself miserably, taking in the body that had already begun to change. Then suddenly, as she laid both hands fully on her stomach for the first time and felt the roundness there, she began breathing in far too deeply. It smacked her in the face the way it came on so suddenly and she crumbled to the floor, hyperventilating and gasping and crying at the same time. It was the most suffocating feeling she had ever felt – was she having a panic attack? Her mind raced as she struggled for breath, fighting an uphill battle to get air into her lungs. She gripped the towel crumpled beside her with fierce strength and mentally willed herself to calm down and return her breathing to normal.

_I can't breathe without you_

_But I have to_

She guessed she was in tune enough with her body to force herself to calm down, because as quickly as it had come on, it just as soon disappeared, leaving her sweaty and dazed there on the bathroom floor. She struggled to her feet, splashed some cold water on her face and roughly towelled herself off before making her way to her bedroom, Jerry at her heels. As she settled into bed, he sat like a guard on duty, at the doorway, silently making sure she was ok.

Exhausted, Jen fell asleep almost immediately, even though she didn't expect it to come so easily after her efforts on the couch had been so unsuccessful. But fall asleep she did, and was only woken hours later when she heard Jerry give another territorial meow in the still of the night. Her sentry had sensed an intruder.

_It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you_

Matt sat down delicately on her bed, further creasing the already creased sheets that had not been changed for at least a week now. Jennifer turned over instantly, dragging her body quickly up to sitting. She immediately reached for him, desperately reaching her arms around his neck. It was a smooth transition that took place in the blink of an eye – she went from lying down miserably facing the window to wrapping her arms around his neck, having waited hours, days, weeks, to do it.

She didn't cry, but simply held onto him, wondering how she could ever live without this – the way he made her feel and the comfort she felt when he touched her. She almost threw that away with the way she acted and the things she said at the café. That hadn't been the real Jennifer, the one that loved Matt with every fibre in her body. It had been a confused and hormonal stand-in, who felt compelled to protect herself from further heartache.

As he held her securely in the darkness, her mind skipped over and over all the ways she could possibly tell him the news. Breathing into his shoulder, she felt lost for words, but then he spoke.

_There's a truth begging to be told_

_As the blues grab and take a hold_

_To continue like this only acts as a force for no good_

"I'm gonna make you a cup of tea," he whispered, lying her back down amongst the pillows. She nodded her head at him slightly and watched as he walked out of the room.

She heard him walk to the kitchen and open the cupboards above the kettle. The house was so quiet and the time of night so late that she could hear every sound he made, even from several rooms away. She got up as the kettle boiled and made her way to the kitchen, leaning against the door frame when she got there, watching him prepare her the tea she really didn't feel she could stomach these days. He was such an adorable creature, she thought, smiling briefly to herself. Suit all crumpled, hair a bit askew, eyes so trusting and innocent, an expression so eager to please and be accepted. How could she ever have not fallen for him?

When he turned around with the two steaming mugs in his hands and saw Jennifer watching him he jumped a little, not aware of her presence. She could see he was clearly suffering in much the same way she was. Nothing had been much good since their meeting at the café.

They sat down at the kitchen table, the same table where he had ribbed her about eating poptarts for breakfast so long ago now. It really did seem like a lifetime ago, and Jennifer almost yearned for that time again – sure, things were complicated then, but they were a lot more complicated now!

_I don't remember_

_Just what made it so hard before_

Jennifer wrapped her hands tightly around her mug and looked out the window at the rain that had begun to fall. It was hammering her tin roof persistently and didn't seem to want to let up anytime soon. "Matty, I'm sorry about what I said the other day," she began.

He shrugged in response. "S'ok," he replied quietly. "If that's how you feel, that's how you feel." But he looked crestfallen and sounded defeatist as he said it. Jennifer knew he wished she didn't feel like that. And that was the thing – she didn't. But how could she explain it to him properly? For someone who could expertly grill a suspect and get the truth out of them in under an hour, she sure was rubbish at being a normal human being and talking to the people she cared about.

She pulled one hand from her mug and placed it on top of his on the table top. Squeezing it they finally made proper eye contact. "But Matt…it's not." She shrugged a similar shrug to his. "I was upset – this is so hard…you and me are so hard, it just does my head in – and I wasn't myself that day. I'm just not myself right now. I didn't mean it…I'm sorry."

Upon hearing her words he seemed to perk up somewhat and smiled a small smile at her. Their hot drinks were being completely ignored as all the truths spilled out into the open. He placed his free hand on top of hers. "It's all right," he whispered. "It does my head in too. I'm so not good at explaining things to you," he frowned. "I don't know how to put into words the way that I feel Jen…" he trailed off, but now unable to drag his gaze from hers. "But I've really missed you."

Jennifer cut him off, figuring then was as good a time as any. "Matt, I've got to tell you something."

He nodded, encouraging her to go on.

"I'm pregnant."


	23. Explanations

Chapter 23 Explanations

He frowned. He had never in a million years expected her to say that. "What?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath in. Surprise was written all over his face. In a momentary lapse in seriousness, she smiled cheekily. "I told you I wasn't myself." It wasn't appropriate, but it had just slipped out. She felt like a different person already because of this predicament.

He continued to frown, looking for answers in her eyes. "Oh…" he stuttered. He began a sentence at least three more times before giving up and just looking at her, still squeezing her hand that lay on top of his.

"Do you know for sure?" he asked a few moments later.

She nodded. "Well, I mean I haven't been to the doctor or taken a test or anything, but it's been a very out of the ordinary two months, if you know what I mean. I'm pretty sure I am." She stared deep in to his eyes, searching for reassurance so that she didn't have to shoulder this incredible burden all alone anymore. The last eight weeks had been excruciating – she wanted desperately to now share it with him.

He pushed out his chair abruptly, standing up in a hurry. "Well shouldn't you do a test?" he stammered, almost squirming he looked so uncomfortable. Jennifer remained seated and looked up quizzically at him. He shrugged his shoulders at her. "So you know for sure."

"So that _I _know for sure? How about so that _we_ know for sure?" she asked, slightly annoyed.

"Yeah, yeah…of course," he stammered. If Jennifer didn't know any better she'd think he was a reformed stutterer having a relapse. He sank back into his chair. "How long have you known?" he asked.

"Not long."

"And you're definitely sure?"

Jennifer threw up her hands and this time it was her who pushed out her seat abruptly. "Oh Matt!" she headed to the kitchen doorway again. "Go and buy a test if you want to ok? But I know…" she stopped and looked over at him as he stood up to be level with her gaze. "I know that I am. Believe me, it's as big a surprise for me as it is for you."

It did little to quell Matt's shock. "I'll go and get a test for you," he said, digging in his pocket for his car keys. He walked up to her and tried to hug her on his way out, but she was not very responsive. She let him hold her, but it wasn't like it had been in her bedroom just 10 minutes before. Maybe she was acting hot and cold, but she felt she had no control over it. Earlier that night she had wanted him to come to her house, but now that he was there and she had told him the news neither of them had ever expected, and she had not quite got the reception a woman normally hoped for, she didn't feel the greatest urge to hug him back.

He let her go and headed directly for the front door, knowing there was a 24 hour pharmacy only a few streets away. He ran down the walk out the front of Jennifer's place and back into his car, out of the pouring rain. Starting it up, he looked back at her house. It was almost completely dark – heck, it was after 11pm – and he hated that he had just hurried out and left her alone in there again. But she had just delivered to him news that was probably the last thing he was expecting from her, even though he knew he had to admit that yes, perhaps they had been careless that night, in the heat of the moment, and it was as much his doing as it was hers. But it was so much to take in. And all he could focus on right then was that she was absolutely sure of what she had told him. And he wouldn't be satisfied until medical evidence proved her right or wrong. He sped towards the pharmacy.


	24. Too Late To Choose

Chapter 24 Too Late To Choose

Matt held his jacket over his head as he dashed across the car park and into the pharmacy. Shaking himself off, he looked around, bewildered, for a moment, before getting his bearings and heading to the right section of the small, brightly lit store.

He picked up what he wanted and paid in a hurry, his actions seeming like a blur of short answers to the shop clerk and the handing over of money and receipts. Only when he was back in his car moments later did it finally hit him and he stopped. He held the paper bag the pharmacist had given him loosely in his hands and rested them on top of the steering wheel. He stared blankly out into the wet night through the windscreen as it hit him that his life had just changed. Even if Jennifer wasn't pregnant, they had entered a new stage, and he couldn't say he wasn't a little afraid. Then he thought back to Jennifer, alone in her house – the woman he felt he truly could not live without – lost in a sea of uncertain feelings, the fact that he had just freaked out on her and dashed out of her house without looking back at the very top of the pile.

He threw the bag containing the pregnancy test onto the passenger seat beside him and turned the key in the ignition. Reversing out of his car space, he shoved the gear stick hurriedly into drive and sped back to Jennifer's house. He suddenly couldn't wait to sit beside her again.

When he pulled into the drive way minutes later he wasted no time in heading back inside. Again the door was open and he walked into the front entryway and saw her sitting pensively on the couch, her legs folded underneath her. The lamp on the table beside her lit the room in a pretty glow and as he entered he saw a sight that made him stop dead in his tracks.

He could see their baby growing inside her. It was only the smallest of bumps, tiny really, but when he remembered as vividly as he did every single curve of her body he had explored that night after the party, he recognised instantly that it did not look the same now. It took his breath away, and he stood rooted to the spot for several heart fluttering seconds. The paper bag hung loosely from his fingertips as a new feeling began to rush through his body.

Jennifer turned her head to face him over the back of the couch. She didn't say anything, but got up and walked over to him, taking the paper bag from his hands and heading for the bathroom. He watched after her as she closed the door.

He took a seat on the edge of the couch, feeling almost jittery now. Is this really happening? He thought to himself. He had come over to apologise, explain, do whatever it took to get Jennifer to see his way of thinking. He had not expected this. This was life changing. Only a room away, one simple little test was about to determine the rest of Matt Ryan's life – and put to the test the life of he and Jen as a couple.

Like a cliché, it felt like he waited a lifetime before she emerged again from the bathroom. She padded over to him and sat on the edge of the couch in much the same way he was. They were like two nervous teenagers who'd done something they shouldn't have behind the bike shed. She held the test in her hands, but she didn't show him. She didn't need to. He could tell from the look on her face, and she knew it.

A second later, Jen's composure finally broke in front of him and she began to cry. He lunged forward and swept her into a hug, shuffling over to be closer to her on the couch. "Oh Jen," he whispered into her ear, her blonde hair fluttering at the puff of his breath by her ear. She wept into his chest, the shock finally coming to the surface for her. There was no uncertainty now. She'd been 99% sure before – but now she was 100 and the confirmation the positive test gave made it so much more real.

They pulled apart and sat back against the cushions. Jennifer gently tossed the test onto the coffee table and looked at him. "I can't believe it," he said to himself. He looked at her tear streaked face. "Don't cry," he whispered. "If this is going to happen – " he reached out and stroked her cheek with his big hand.

"Oh it is Matt," she cut in, almost rolling her eyes at him. It was too late to go back now.

"I know, I know," he stammered, running a hand through his hair wearily. This was all moving way too fast for him.

She sat back on the couch and looked at him, not even realising until after she'd done it that she was resting her hands on the small bulge that had already started forming on her middle.

Matt continued. "But if this is going to happen, I want to be with you." He reached for her hands and held them in his own. "I want to be with you through all of it." He smiled lovingly at her. God, I'm so in love with you, he thought at that moment as he took her in. "I want to sleep beside you every night. I want to go to doctors' appointments with you. I want to choose names and massage your feet and be in the delivery room holding your hand." He shook her hands a little as he said it. He didn't know where he'd just pulled that speech from – he'd never pictured himself doing any of those things until half an hour ago, sitting in the pharmacy car park.

Jennifer recoiled slightly as it again hit her like a sledge hammer just how much everything was about to change – not just mentally, but physically as well.

But she was touched at his honesty. It had never entered her mind before – all those things he had just said – but only because she had refused to let herself have what seemed like such unattainable dreams.

He smiled sweetly at her. "I want to do this with you Jen." She had never heard him sound so sincere.

But she still remained a little sceptical – she couldn't help it. She pulled one – but only one – hand from his warm grasp and pushed her fringe out of her eyes. "So why did you break up with me?" She was aware of how high school it sounded, but it was exactly what she wanted to know right then.

He didn't have an answer for her though. He wished so feverently that she could just read his mind and see in there all the love and hope he had for her. And dare he say it – the future he hoped for, for them.

"Honestly Matt," she confided when he didn't answer her. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how _we _are going to do this, if that's the way the cards fall."

She found herself suddenly spilling her guts to him as the night turned into day as the clock ticked past twelve. She shrugged and pulled her other hand out of his and pushed her fingers into her scrunched up eyes, trying in vain to push away everything that was plaguing her.

"It's not that I never wanted to have kids Matt," she began, letting out a deep sigh. "But I never set a time." She looked at him, her eyes still full of uncertainty. "I never said 'by 35 I want to have had a child' or anything like that. And you know I'm more of an organiser than this Matt! And now it's happened and I don't know how to deal with it!" Her face contorted again as the hormones raging through her threatened to erupt into tears again.

"Maybe it's not such a bad thing Jen…" he tried to reassure her, certain he was failing miserably. "Maybe it was meant to happen…to…change us. To shake us up a bit."

"Oh it's certainly done that!" Her bitter sarcasm was popping up again. She couldn't help but feel he wasn't understanding the magnitude of the situation quite the same way she was. Ha! Why would he? His life wasn't about to change as much as hers!

She cried pathetically, taking in awkward hiccupy gulps of air. "I don't know what to do Matt!" she wailed. "Seriously, I don't know how to handle this!" She looked at him for help.

He bought his hands to her cheeks and made her look at him, her eyes still brimming with tears. She wasn't ready for this. "Jen. Jen…just stop. Don't think about all the bad things for just a second. Think of the good things this could mean."

She looked at him and actually did roll her eyes this time. But he knew exactly what would convince her. He stood up and pulled her to her feet with him. Lacing the fingers of his left hand through hers, he used his right to turn off the lamp on the side table and then led her out of the lounge room and down the hall towards her bedroom. As they walked, Jennifer felt the same flutter she'd felt that night - the night that had changed their lives forever – and couldn't stop herself falling swiftly back into the dreamy state she had been in that night and the days after. It completely took her over and she rested her head on Matt's shoulder and entwined her free hand around his left arm affectionately as they walked into the bedroom.

_Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again_

They stopped just short of the bed and stood there for a few moments, just being close and silent together, no more words to say. Finally he reached down and kissed her, at last accepting of what was now happening to their lives, and reassuring her of his ever presence from that moment on. They stood in a loose but entangled embrace in the middle of the dim room for some time before they finally climbed into the bed and lay underneath the covers together. She lay with her back to his front and he wrapped his arms securely around her, both mentally exhausted and emotionally drained.

"I mean it Jen," he whispered into her neck as the moonlight bounced off their bodies. She answered quickly, without saying a word, simply nodding her head in the semi darkness.

"I know that we could do it," Matt continued. "We could make it work. I want to make it work with you." He lowered his head more onto the pillow.

She turned over in his arms and he loosened his hold around her. She looked into his warm, friendly face – the face she knew she could always trust. The face that was the definition of a person who would always stand by her. There had been past mistakes, but she knew then that they had learnt from them, and two months ago they hadn't been prepared for what a relationship together might entail. Now she knew that he had her back. This was their second chance. He'd given her one and she'd given him one.

He ran his hand up her body and stroked her arm and shoulder affectionately. He was finally beginning to relax as she at last smiled truthfully to his face and nestled deeper into his embrace.

_I love you so much I can't count all the ways_


	25. This Is Ours

Chapter 25 This Is Ours

"I thought we'd never get back to this," Matt whispered a little while later, squeezing her shoulder, keeping her body close to his own.

Jennifer didn't reply but was responsive to his movements and let him hold her. It was a familiar and nice feeling she had revelled in so much that night, and had ached to feel again. When it was just them, alone, like this, the complications seemed to melt away. They didn't seem to have to worry about anything. Her mind went crazy imagining being able to have this every day. And now she could.

She shuffled slightly out of his embrace a few moments later and propped herself up on her elbow, lying on her side, facing him in the shadowy room. There was just enough light to see each other. She straightened out her legs and placed her hand on the bottom of her tiny bulge and for the first time couldn't help but smile. They both stared at it in awe and pure love for quite a few minutes.

Finally Matt reached out and touched it for the first time and Jen saw his eyes glistening as the moonlight caught his emotions out and put them on display. "I can't believe this is ours," he breathed, barely audible and almost choked up.

The smile couldn't be wiped from Jen's face as she watched him discover what she had been so caught up in discovering herself for the last four weeks or so. It thrilled her to see his reaction – it was everything she had hoped it'd be. Maybe they could do this after all. It wasn't going to be easy, but then nothing ever was, so maybe they would manage.

An abnormal amount of, well, everything, running through her body, Jennifer felt her skin quickly turn warm and sensitive under his touch. She reached out and touched his face, bringing his eye level back up to meet her own and felt the same rush she'd felt the night this had all happened. He's been worth the wait and frustration, she thought to herself as she leant in to kiss him. It only took moments for their bodies to be pressed up against each other and his air – that of the simple Matt Ryan, a man who'd dealt with more than his fair share of pain in his lifetime and who longed to just experience the opposite for once – to float over her, invading every crevice and clouding every thought she may have had.

Jennifer gladly tugged at the t-shirt he was wearing, and she felt shivers run down her spine as he helped her to pull off her long sleeved top. He drank in her form, appreciating and falling in love all over again with the beautiful detective he'd been lucky enough to work alongside for years now. She took his breath away, plain and simple, now more than ever. He guided his own trembling hand from her finely boned cheek onto her shoulder and down her slim arm. He could feel the fine hairs on her arm tingle and become static as the electricity ran through them both in the darkness. He ran a trembling hand over the petite bulge on her stomach and upon the skin to skin contact really did get choked up this time; overwhelmed with emotion and love for the woman he was certain he had loved since day one and who now had their child growing inside of her. It was something that would bond them forever, and he knew he'd never felt closer to a person than he did with Jennifer at that moment. He could never have even dreamed of this, he thought to himself. He ran his hand over the bump again and again and then stealthily slid his hand to the curve just above her hip and used the opportunity to pull her in, infinitely closer to his own body.

They planted fervent kisses on each other as Jennifer rolled seamlessly to be on top of him, her small figure looming so close to Matt that he could barely breathe. He had only seen Jennifer this way once before, and it was hard to believe that he now had her again. He drew in a sharp breath and raised both hands, now trembling less – but only slightly – than before, to hold her body close to his. Her skin felt like it was melting under his touch and he revelled in feeling so close and connected to her. A barrage of butterflies erupted in his stomach as he looked up at her in the dusky bedroom light and saw the incredibly peaceful and content look that had overtaken her striking features. Jennifer Mapplethorpe often moved through the day with a frown creasing her forehead, as she thought hard about suspects and weapons and motives and tried to bend her mind to find a solution. But now, inches from Matt's face, her frown was gone, replaced with a glowing radiance he'd never seen from any woman before.

He wanted to say something – tell her how much he loved her, how much he cared for her, how stoked he now was that they were going to have a baby - but nothing even entered his mind that he could spit out. He knew his actions were probably doing a lot of the talking and so he simply continued to hold her closely as they embraced in a way they hadn't even the night after the party. Their hold tightened gradually and she sat up for a second to catch her breath and push her fringe out of her eyes. Her figure in front of him in all its glory, Matt again ran his hands down the sides of her body, letting his fingers glide over the heated curves that made up her striking frame. She suddenly seemed to be all his as they both felt the intense pull to each other beneath Jennifer's ivory coloured sheets. Slow and rhythmical, just like her engaging demeanour, they clung to each other all night long.

As sun finally started pouring through the bedroom windows and Jennifer lay nuzzled against Matt's side, her top arm draped gracefully over his chest, Matt said it. It was early in their relationship to be saying it he knew, but he'd been feeling it long before they ever even hugged that quiet Sunday that the Kylie Lewis mess burst into their lives. He cradled her sleepy face in both his hands and kissed her hard and fast, with more passion than he even knew he possessed.

"Jen," he breathed as he finished the kiss, his warm breath falling silently over her nose and mouth as he spoke.

She smiled up at him, her eyes at half mast. "Mmmm?"

"I've loved you for…" he stammered and stopped. "…forever. Since the very first moment I saw you." Matt Ryan felt so lucky right then. Practically every puzzle piece that was his life had finally fallen into place.


	26. The Morning After High

Chapter 26 The Morning After High

Only a few hours later, they reluctantly dragged themselves out of Jennifer's bed and dressed and did all their usual morning things, together. They barely spoke, just sneaking glances at each other from across the room, or in the en suite mirror, and smiling shyly. Jennifer almost wanted to let out a giggle it all felt so good, and she noticed that this morning was the first one in a while where she hadn't woken up feeling nauseous.

A little before eight they walked out Jennifer's front door and stopped at the drivers side of Matt's car. The sun already shining strongly down on Melbourne, Jennifer put a hand up to shield her eyes as Matt pulled her in close, using any excuse to kiss her again. She happily reciprocated, her breath catching in her throat as their bodies became so close once again and they kissed in the morning sunlight. She was practically weak at the knees as he looped his arms around her waist and she wondered for a second if this was Matt's effect on her or the fact that she was pregnant and her body was reacting in dramatic ways to a lot of things. Whichever it was, it was nothing to complain about.

_I love your way_

_I can't explain_

_What made me change_

"Oi you two, tone it down," came Duncan's voice as he casually swaggered up the driveway, his hands in his pockets, his cheeky grin huge. "There are kids on this street."

Jennifer tore her lips from Matt's and turned, embarrassed, to face their colleague, her body still inexplicably close to his. She fleetingly put a hand to her mouth and then up to her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun again. Squinting, she looked at Duncan, a little self-conscious.

"Dunny!" she said with a little surprise.

He chuckled quietly to himself as he stood a respectful distance from his two colleagues. "Just came around to see if you were feeling a bit better today Jen," he explained. "But I think I already have my answer."

Matt's cheeks flushed pink as he avoided Duncan's eyes. He pushed himself up off the car door, a hand still on the small of Jennifer's back and used his other hand to dig in his pants pocket for his keys. "We were just coming in Dunny," he stuttered, almost dropping the key ring. Duncan stared back, just nodding, enjoying seeing Matt stumble so much over such a simple task.

Matt looked at Jen when she put a hand on his chest swiftly and took a step back from his hold. "I better take my own car," she said to him quietly, giving him a wink. He nodded and turned to unlock his own door as she walked further up the driveway to where her car was parked. Duncan waved a hand in the air as he spun on his heel and walked back to where his car was parked out on the street. "See you there!" he called out as he walked away, shaking his head and laughing to himself.

As Jennifer opened her door, she snuck a glance back at Matt and they couldn't help but beam at each other. They reversed out of the driveway and headed for Homicide.


	27. Every Street Kid in Melbourne

Chapter 27 Every Street Kid in Melbourne

"Jennifer." Entering the lift was Stanley, greeting her in his usual drawl and serious tone, his lips twitching and curling in their usual way. "Good to have you back on board."

Jennifer nodded and smiled in return. "Thanks Sarge," she replied. "It's good to be back." But as she said it she self consciously pulled her jacket in tighter over her middle. She didn't have much to hide yet, but she was still very aware of it. The last thing she wanted was for people to take pity on her and treat her like she was something fragile about to break.

Stanley walked into the office ahead of her and straight towards his desk, while she headed to the kitchen, stopping briefly to drop her bag on her desk. Reaching into the fridge for a bottle of water, she jumped a little when Simon strode into the room as she closed the fridge door with a thud.

"Hey Jen!" he greeted her warmly with a grin. "I thought you must be back – Matt's in a good mood." Like Duncan, Simon smiled cheekily, seemingly a lot more aware of her personal life than she perhaps felt comfortable with.

She nodded. "Yep I'm back. Back to keep you in line."

Simon laughed as they walked back out together into the main office area with their beverages. Jennifer smiled at Matt as she took a seat behind her desk. The look in his eyes still made her knees weak, and she was grateful to be sitting down. But she wasn't there for long – moments later Stanley reappeared in the office and summoned the entire team into the meeting room. Obediently they all got up and filtered into the large room, taking seats around the table. Matt sat across from Jennifer, but only because he hadn't been quick enough to nab a seat right next to her when Simon sat on one side of her and Duncan on the other. They were like two big brothers, shielding her from everyone and everything, even though Matt was certain they knew far too much about him and Jennifer already. Now they were just taunting him, by keeping her away from his side. The two men grinned playfully at Matt, who settled back into his chair, trying to make it look like he didn't want to sit next to Jen…and hold her hand under the table…and brush elbows as they scribbled notes…and feel as close as they had just an hour ago in her driveway. No, he was going to remain professional, no matter how hard it was, and keep as much secret as he could.

Stanley cleared his throat and began their meeting, his voice serious and attention grabbing. Heads swivelled to focus on their leader. "The powers that be upstairs are NOT happy with how slow the Wheeler investigation is going," he started gruffly. He rested his clenched fists on the table top and leaned forward, closer to his team. "This has been dragged out for months, and it's too long. Let's get Detective Mapplethorpe up to speed and get onto solving this murder."

Stanley turned to the whiteboard and in a moment had assembled all the photos of the suspects, as well as that of the victim and other persons of interest, neatly labelling them with a black marker. He turned back to the group and eyed his detectives. "Freeman, Ryan, where are you up to with interviewing?"

"I don't think I've ever interviewed so many street kids in my life Sarge," Duncan exclaimed. "They're so split – half of them don't have a clue, or they're too stoned or smashed or just brain dead, and the other half are very aware of what happened, but hardly reveal a thing. We're getting little bits from each of them but it's not enough."

Matt nodded in agreeance with Duncan. "They've just closed ranks Sarge," he rolled his pen between his thumb and fore finger. "They're so smart; they won't reveal anything that will put any of them in the frame. They're so ruthless and calculating – they're like the Mossad!"

Stanley nodded knowingly, having dealt with difficult witnesses and interviews like this a thousand times over. "Mmmm, yes, it's going to take a lot to break one of them," he mused.

"Maybe we need to find someone outside the circle," Jen pipped up suddenly. "You've been questioning and questioning for two months – if they were going to break wouldn't they have done so by now? Maybe they're really not going to. So maybe you need to find someone else who will." She raised her eyebrows at the team, who were all surprised to hear her inject any input after her lengthy absence from the case.

But they knew she was right. They needed a fresh perspective, a fresh opinion. "But who?" Duncan asked the obvious. "We've spoken to every street kid in Melbourne!"

"Is Father Townsend's centre open yet?" Jen asked the group. "Does he have any patients yet?"

Matt wanted to lean across the table and give her a high five.


	28. Where the Saved Take Refuge

Chapter 28 Where the Saved Take Refuge

Jennifer and Duncan were on the road for almost half an hour to make their way to Father Townsend's retreat on the outskirts of Melbourne. On the way, Duncan was respectfully polite and distant about the situation he had walked into that morning at Jen's house – but she knew he was just bursting to ask a million questions.

She gave in a little and as she sat in the passenger seat beside him for offered a grateful insight. "Thanks for coming to see me last night," she said quietly. "I really appreciated it…" she explained. "And thanks for getting Matt to…." She trailed off, shrugging her shoulders.

Duncan nodded in understanding. He knew what she meant. He smiled across at her to show his understanding, happy to have been able to help her out. She nodded back in acceptance, looking ahead of her out onto the road. She didn't want to make her relationship with Matt too much public knowledge. It wasn't a matter of keeping anything a secret, but simply that any relationship they had was theirs and theirs alone – Jennifer didn't feel anyone else really needed to know too much about their personal dalliances. She didn't mind Duncan teasing her and Matt a little in the office but right now, that was all that there should be.

They pulled up to a shady, tree lined driveway and cruised down the length of it. The place was quiet, the house at the end of the driveway what one could only call a cottage – it was not a house – but it had an inviting, spacious veranda wrapped around it, part of it enclosed to provide a sort of outhouse. Through the clear plastic that enclosed it, Jennifer could see a bed as she got out of the car after Duncan parked it. It was neatly made and empty, but looked inviting in its simplicity – two fluffy pillows at the head, a lovingly quilted doona coving the length of the single bed – and Jennifer remembered back to the day she had stood in the line at McDonald's in the city and seen the group of rough and tumble, shabby looking teenagers. They hadn't looked like they'd slept in a bed like that in quite some time. She wondered how many people Father Townsend's little hideaway could take at any one time. It was certainly needed desperately.

Jennifer and Duncan approached the quiet cottage, their clipboards in hand, and climbed the two steps up onto the veranda. The place remained quiet as they stepped towards the front door, which was closed with only a fly screen, set on rusty aged hinges that creaked when Duncan reached for its handle.

In an office just inside the front door sat Father Townsend, his collar as high as ever and the rest of his clothes as sombre and serious as he took his religious beliefs. Still, he had one of the friendliest faces Duncan and Jennifer had ever seen, and when he spoke one could detect the compassion and care in his voice. It was clear he devoted his life to the youth on the streets.

"Detectives," he greeted them warmly when he looked up from his paperwork and saw them in the doorway. "It's been a while since I've seen you."

"We've come to speak to some of your…" Jen hesitated, unsure of what to call the kids Father Townsend 'saved'. "…errr, residents."

The Father nodded and led them out back onto the veranda. Taking a seat on a cushioned wooden bench that sat to the right of the screen door, Jennifer breathed in deeply, appreciating the fresh country air, it so free of cigarette smoke and car exhausts and factory fumes she so often encountered in the city. This part of the world was the perfect place for anyone to be saved, she thought to herself.

"How many kids do you have here right now Father?" Duncan probed.

Father Townsend folded his hands in his lap and gave the two detectives his full attention. "Not many – we can only take four at a time – and right now we have three," he explained. "We're only just getting started, taking it slowly. In a week or so we're getting a fourth…we'll see how we go with that."

Jennifer and Duncan nodded, taking in the information. "And how long have the kids who are here now been here?" Jennifer asked politely.

"Different times," he began. "We have one who came to us quite soon after Clem's death – she's been here the longest, but won't be here for much longer. She needs to be moved to a better, more equipped facility for the state she's in. The other two have been here just four weeks."

"We'll need to talk to them all I'm afraid," Duncan stated, standing up to assert his authority. He was worried the Father would object to his line of enquiry, but Townsend seemed to have no qualms about their investigation and led them directly to the backyard behind the cottage, where a very average looking girl sat on a swing in the sun. She was pale and tiny and stared off into the distance sadly. The three adults approached her but she paid little attention. "This is Audrina Eastoe," the Father introduced her to the Homicide detectives. They smiled down at her, but she only fleetingly looked at them in recognition of their presence in front of her.

"The others are down here," Townsend said, motioning to an even smaller cottage a short distance away, down the grassy knoll that meandered for kilometres in front of them. Duncan nodded at Jen and they silently agreed to split up. He followed the Father away towards the cottage while Jen sat down beside Audrina.

"My name's Jen," she began, wondering if it would be hard to get information out of this miserable looking girl. She studied her critically, trying to form an opinion of her. Her name alone seemed out of place in a place, and a situation, they sat in that afternoon. Audrina Eastoe sounded like a beautiful dancer's name, an Audrey Hepburn lookalike with a glamourous life full of riches and adventure. That was what the name sounded like, to Jennifer anyway, but that was certainly not what this girl was like in any shape or form.

Audrina didn't respond to Jen introducing herself, instead just continued to look out into the distance. For the first time Jennifer noticed a tiny teddy bear that Audrina clutched in her left hand. She had such a firm grip on it that her knuckles were white.

"Are you here about Clem?" she eventually asked, looking over to Jennifer out of the corner of her eye.

Jen nodded. "We are. Did you know him?" she asked gently.

Audrina nodded wordlessly.

"Were you in a relationship with Clem before he died?" Jennifer guessed.

Again Audrina nodded without saying a word.

"We're trying to find out who killed Clem Audrina," Jennifer gently pushed. "If you can tell us anything – _anything _– about that, I'd really appreciate your help." She sat back and watched for any kind of reaction from the young girl.

It took at least five minutes before the girl turned to Jennifer and looked her in the eye. "He was the fourth," she whispered.

"The fourth person who was supposed to come here?" Jennifer asked.

Audrina nodded sadly. "We were coming here together," she revealed in a small voice. A veil of sorrow clung to the girl, barely over 16, and it made Jennifer pity her. Little did she know that that pity would only double when she heard the rest of Audrina's story. "We were going to get clean, then move to our own place for the arrival…" she trailed off, her face like stone, revealing nothing.

"The arrival?" Jennifer questioned.

Audrina wouldn't look at Jennifer. She bought the teddy bear to sit in her lap and she gripped it with both hands now. "I was pregnant," she stated shortly. She got up abruptly and walked away to stand by the wooden fence the bordered the small area of the yard. Her arms folded across her chest, she stared off into the distance.

Jennifer waited a moment before approaching, mostly in a bid to settle her own nerves. An uncomfortable feeling was tingling in the pit of her stomach.

She hurled herself up to standing and left the garden swing swaying in her wake as she approached Audrina. She stood beside her and looked out into the distance with the girl. Unexpectedly a moment later, the veil of sadness shattered and she faced Jennifer with a tortured expression, gripping Jennifer's forearms desperately. "I'm clean now," she cried. "Clem could've so easily got clean too. It was all going to happen for us. We weren't going to be like the rest of them. We were going to have a baby! Now I don't have that…I don't have Clem…I don't even have a fucking high anymore!" her voice steadily got louder. "So you have to get him. Put him away. Don't let him live the way Clem deserved to. He's not worth it."

"Audrina!" Jennifer tried to calm the girl from her hysteria. "Who are you talking about? Who doesn't deserve to live?"

The girl shrugged in reply. "I think it was Dylan…but I don't have any proof. That's just what I've heard."

Jennifer hugged the girl tightly as she wept long wailing sobs into her jacket. This was feeling all a bit too close to home, Jennifer thought with a shudder.


	29. Hitting Home

Chapter 29 Hitting Home

As Duncan and Jennifer walked back up the driveway to where they had parked the squad car, they discussed what they had found out from their informal interviews that afternoon. Audrina had wept into Jennifer's chest until the Father had returned from being with Duncan and the other kids, and he had quickly escorted her away, back inside the cottage. Jennifer had been left with a damp shirt and a feeling of so badly wanting to help such a pitiful and desperate individual who'd almost been left for dead. As she climbed back into the car she replayed over and over in her mind the way Audrina had revealed her tale. 'I w_as _pregnant.'

Jennifer took a deep breath in as she buckled up her seatbelt and Duncan pushed the gears into reverse. The whole way back to Melbourne Audrina's words swam around Jennifer's head until she felt like her skull was going to burst.

She took another deep breath in as they pulled into the Homicide carpark, but for the life of her couldn't seem to be able to breathe it out. She gripped the seatbelt tightly in alarm, every breath getting shallower and more rasped. Her lips cracked with dryness and her tongue felt like sandpaper. A few awkward sounds popped out of her throat between her in breaths.

_Control, feel it slipping right through my hands_

Duncan looked at his colleague in distress. "Are you ok Jen?"

She couldn't even answer, tightening her grip on the seatbelt with one hand and on the seat cushion at her thigh with the other.

Duncan slammed the car to a stop half in a parking space and sprung out of his seat and out around to her side of the car. He reached her in seconds. He yanked open her door and reached in, unpopping her seatbelt from its clasp. He eased her forward and to the side, swinging her legs to be outside the car. Bringing her hands up to her face, he gently made her cup both hands over her nose and mouth so she could re-breathe the carbon dioxide and return to normal.

But it did little to help. She grew pale as Duncan tried to reassure her and talk her down, even though he had little idea what had made her fall into such a state. He dug his mobile phone out of his pocket and punched in Matt's number with lightning speed.

"Matty!" Duncan exclaimed. "Come down to the carpark – it's Jen." Duncan knew he didn't need to say anything else.

And as he'd predicted, within moments Matt was barrelling out of the lift that opened out into the spacious carpark, looking blindly from side to side to see where he needed to be. Duncan stood up from his crouched position in front of Jennifer and beckoned Matt over. His feet pounding the pavement, Matt ran and reached them in a heartbeat.

He too crouched in front of Jennifer. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and her hands still cupped over her mouth, in a desperate bid to slow down her breathing. She pulled them away from her face and reached for him weakly, and he took them both in his own hands, holding them securely.

"Jen!" he said. "Jen. Take it slow, take it slow." Her sweaty hands gripped his tightly as her neck muscles strained against the huge heaving of her chest and she gulps desperately for air. He never broke his gaze with her, willing her to breathe normally again. "Concentrate on it Jen. Slowly, slowly. In and out."

Steadily her grip began to ease as he talked her down. He leant her forward so that she could calm down and looked back up at Duncan as the situation came under control. "I don't think she should be here Matty," Duncan advised. "You should take her home."

Matt nodded in agreeance. "What happened out there?"

Duncan shrugged. "She seemed fine when I was with her," he answered. "And on the way home she didn't say anything out of the ordinary."

Matt gave Duncan a perplexed look and then turned back to Jennifer. "Hey," he whispered to her, extending a hand in her direction. "Let's go."

She got up wordlessly and followed him. As she walked away from the squad car she turned back to Duncan. "Tell Wolfy I'll be back tomorrow," she instructed him.

Duncan raised his eyebrows at her skeptically.

"I will."


	30. Fractured Fairytales

Chapter 30 Fractured Fairytales

"I know you're not going to let me take you to the hospital," Matt stated as he drove them back to Jennifer's house.

"I don't need to go to the hospital Matt," she said quietly, looking out the window at her left. She felt guilty that she was not being straight with him, not telling him that this had happened before, but she had too much else on her mind.

Matt shrugged slightly in the wake of her frosty reply.

When they pulled into her driveway and got out of the car together, she turned to him as she slammed her door gently shut. "I'm sorry…I just want to have a sleep," she explained apologetically.

Understanding, he nodded, and escorted her into the house, his hand at the small of her back again. He saw her into bed and drew the curtains before exiting the room. He wandered back outside to his car, retrieving his laptop from the backseat and bringing it back into Jennifer's living room. He had a mountain of paperwork to catch up on – the result of weeks and weeks of moping over his relationship woes and getting very little work done. He settled onto her couch and got to work as the afternoon slowly faded away.

Hours passed, and he was surprised at the pace he was getting through his work. Looking at his watch, he decided it was about time for a break and closed down several of the pages he was working on gratefully. As he did so Jennifer appeared beside him, plopping herself down on the spongey cushions and folding her legs underneath her like she always did.

"I talked to Clem's girlfriend today," Jen revealed, grappling for Matt's full attention.

"I didn't know he had one," Matt admitted.

Jennifer nodded, a troubled look clouding her features. "Clem was supposed to go with her to Father Townsend's farm. She was pregnant." The words hung in the air awkwardly.

"Pregnant?" Matt asked. He couldn't quite grip the situation – the only pregnant he could focus on at that moment was Jennifer.

Jennifer bundled her knees up close to her chest as she finished explaining her day to him. She wrapped her arms around her knees and stared at her feet, peaking out of the bottom of her pants. "Yeah," she whispered. "They were going there to get clean together. They were going to start a new life." She seemed so affected Matt observed.

Matt sighed in response. "I guess sometimes life doesn't go the way you plan," he admitted quietly, not able to meet her eyes in much the same way she couldn't meet his.

Jennifer smiled a small smile. "No."

They sat in silence for several moments before continuing the discussion. "It was awful Matt," Jen revealed. "She was begging me, grabbing a hold of me." She reached across the couch and gripped Matt's arms the way Audrina had done her. "Begging me to find Clem's killer. She was totally lost…even Father Townsend wasn't going to keep her there – even he couldn't help her. He was sending her away."

Matt looked down at Jennifer's hands on his forearms. "Well we'll find him, don't worry."

Jennifer nodded. "The first person we need to speak to is Dylan," she said adamantly. Neither of them knew his surname, but they couldn't forget who he was in a hurry. His name bought back unpleasant memories, but memories they were both determined to push through and not let affect their case.


	31. The Untouchables

Chapter 31 The Untouchables

It took another month to track down Dylan. Duncan was not at all pleased that he had to go through 'every street kid in Melbourne' all over again to find out where the little bugger had run to. And once again they all closed ranks on the Homicide team, frustratingly not letting on a single clue as to his whereabouts. It was only by pure chance that a drug squad detective caught a glimpse of their suspect whilst undercover late one night in September and instantly recognised the face that his mates in Homicide had been whining about trying to find for the last four weeks. On a hunch, he followed him down a dark laneway and into a dirty brothel on the outskirts of the city, where he happily sat for half an hour wrapping a belt around his upper arm and injecting with the a group of coked out prostitutes.

Matt Ryan's phone rang at 4:30am and startled awake both he and Jennifer. He had spent the night in an effort to spend more precious time with her. A series of debilitating panic attacks had reduced her to office duties in the past few weeks, and a frustrated Jennifer had unhappily worked from her desk, trying to assist the team. But it wasn't the right thing for her – she hated the way she had lost the team aspect of her role. She missed going out into the field with Duncan and Simon and Matt. Sitting behind a desk shuffling papers was not her idea of police work. But she had little choice when every time she got into the squad car she spaced out and began hyperventilating to the extent that her skin turned white and she sweated bucketloads. She knew Stanley and Bernice were moments away from telling her to take stress leave. She knew the only reason they hadn't yet was because they were confused as to what the single thing responsible for her deterioration on the job was – only Jennifer and Matt knew it was a multitude of incidents over the last few months. And they knew that as soon as Stanley and Bernice found out she was pregnant, she would be on forced maternity leave for longer than she could handle. And soon she wouldn't be able to hide the evidence with big jackets.

Matt answered his mobile groggily, having to clear his throat before he could answer audibly. "Ryan," he spoke sleepily down the phone. Upon hearing what the person at the other end was saying, he pushed himself up on the pillows into a sitting position, trying not to nudge Jen too much as she tried to fall back asleep. He listened intently, his eyes darting between her and the clock radio on the bedside table.

Hanging up, he sprang from the bed, and yanked off the clothes he had been sleeping in.

"What's going on?" Jen mumbled sleepily from her side of the bed. She lifted her head a little and looked across the dark room at him.

"One of the drug squad guys has found Dylan," Matt said almost excitedly.

The news made Jen sit up in the bed too. "Are they bringing him in?" she asked.

Matt nodded, grabbing his keys out of his jacket pocket and walking around to where she sat. She was already peeling the covers from her legs and pulling her hair into a ponytail. "Well I'm coming with you. Let's do it," she said determined.

He leant down and kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep Jen," he instructed her gently. "We probably won't get much out of him at this hour…just come in later, and meet me in the interview room."

She smiled a defeated smile at him as he waved to her as he rushed out of the room and out of the house to his car. Seemed she wasn't needed, she thought to herself. Laying back down she tried to go back to sleep.


	32. Slipping Through My Fingers

Chapter 32 Slipping Through My Fingers

"This is useless," Duncan hissed at Matt just outside the interview room door. "We don't even have a bloody witness. Just the guess of a former junkie!"

Matt, his hands in his pockets, was determined not to be defeated. "Let me have a go." Duncan stepped aside to let him into the interview room that housed Dylan Cooper for the first time that early morning.

Matt sat down opposite the boy – he can't be more than 18, Matt thought to himself as he took in the pitiful figure of a life wasted. Dylan twitched as he sat there, and his fingers jingled and tapped on the table top. The drug squad detective had clearly interrupted a bit of a session for Dylan. Matt had seen it too many times before.

"I thought you wanted to get off the gear Dylan," Matt began.

Dylan looked up at him with a frown and a dazed look in his eyes.

"Who said that?" he slurred.

"I heard you wanted a place at Father Townsend's," he lied. Matt didn't know if Dylan wanted a place there or not – maybe he was like Brent and couldn't have cared either way – but Matt knew the only way to break him was to make him mad. And he figured his chances were pretty good when he was this high. "Wanted to start a new life hey?"

Dylan shrugged and offered no response, as Duncan entered the room and sat beside Matt.

"Of course you wanted a place there," Matt pressed on. "A place where someone would give a shit about you. Where someone would take care of you. Where you wouldn't have to rob and steal just to make yourself feel good again."

He and Dylan locked eyes for just a second when the boy finally looked up.

"The places at that farm were pretty hotly contested weren't they?" Matt egged him on, getting closer and closer to his target. "Such a rare opportunity…one you'd almost kill for right?"

"Not me," Dylan spat back.

"Are you sure about that?" Matt leaned forward across the table, begging for the junkie's attention. "Even if the person who got a place over you wasn't in need of Father Townsend's help as much as you were?"

"Knocking someone off would be the perfect way to cut down the waiting list wouldn't it?" Duncan supplied.

"Especially if that someone on the waiting list had also slept with your girlfriend and got her pregnant too right?" Matt pressed.

Dylan lurched up, his face reddening. He pounded his fists on the table so loudly that a uniform burst through the door, ready to restrain him. As Dylan opened his mouth to respond, his chest heaved and he vomited violently onto the floor to the left of him. He slithered down to the ground, banging his head on the corner of the table as he went, and half ending up over the spew covered shoes of the young constable who had only moments ago entered the room.

As he twitched on the floor from his near overdose Matt knew the interview was over. He could hear Stanley storming down the hallway behind him already, barking down the phone to the ambulance service.


	33. Hiatus

Chapter 33 Hiatus

Dylan remained unquestionable for a lot longer than Duncan and Matt would've liked. Recovering from the episode in the interview room, he spent more than 4 weeks in hospital, going in and out of rehabilitation programs there and being treated for all the ailments that had also been caused by his drug use. Doctors refused the Homicide squad entry into the boy's hospital room on every occasion in which they tried. Frustrated, Duncan, Matt and Jennifer went back to the drawing board and bought in Audrina, and even Father Townsend time and time again, hoping to get more out of them. But they knew Dylan held all the clues and secrets behind Clem's death.

With no respite in sight on the case until they could question Dylan again, the investigation now having stretched out for months, Matt revelled in the opportunity one Friday afternoon to leave the office early to meet with Jennifer.

"Where do you think you're going slacker?" Duncan called out to Matt from across the office as Matt gathered his possessions and headed for the lift. "As if you can leave before the rest of us on a Friday!"

Matt grinned back at his friend. "Just go something important on," was all he would let on. He punched the button for the lift and waited for the doors to open. He looked at his watch anxiously. He was already late.

Duncan was hearing none of it. "I better see you at the pub later then," he instructed.

Matt nodded. "I'll do my best."

Matt jogged down the sterile hallway at a quick pace, looking for the room he knew he was supposed to be in ten minutes ago. He read the name plates on each door and at last came to the right one. Knocking gently, he opened the door a crack, hesitant about the etiquette required in a situation like this. It didn't seem right to just barge in, even if he was late.

"Matt?" came her voice.

He smiled, feeling relieved, and opened the door all the way, slipping inside and closing it quietly behind him. He darted to her side and stood transfixed by the image on the screen instantly. She too couldn't tear her eyes away from it and they only found each others hands after several heart stopping moments of staring wonderment.

They finally had something to show for it: a good sized bump that had grown quite a lot even in just the last week. Jennifer turned her head to Matt as the doctor continued to scan over her stomach and smiled. He squeezed her hand and smiled back. "I'm so sorry I'm late," he apologised.

She shook her head. "It's ok, you didn't miss anything," she reassured him in a whisper. They turned their heads back to the screen and continued watching the display there.

Matt, still holding her left hand, bought his elbows up to lean them on the bed by her rib cage. He put her hand to his cheek as he watched the screen in delight. Jen turned back to smile at him every few moments, adoring the look that had taken over his face. They made eye contact briefly a few minutes later and he felt such a rush of love for this woman that he leant forward and kissed her full on the lips as she lay with her head against the starchy white hospital pillows. He brushed his palm against her forehead, sweeping the fine blonde hair of her fringe to the side. Never had she looked so stunning as she did that afternoon, the radiance that pregnancy was meant to bring a woman finally showing up in her face.

Jennifer settled back and relaxed as she felt content in the promise that Matt had made her months ago. He was there holding her hand. As the weeks went by, she was slowly getting used to the idea of pregnancy and was feeling more and more comfortable in the new lifestyle she found herself placed in. Their lives had settled down somewhat – there were no more panic attacks, no more hyperventilating and even though she and Matt were still hell bent on unravelling the mystery of Clem Wheeler's murder and helping the street kids they saw far too much of, they were happily settling into a life together, quietly going about their days without making a big deal of their connection – so much so in fact that the rest of the Homicide team still had little idea of the full extent of Matt and Jennifer's relationship. They knew this wouldn't last forever, but right then, they were not concerned about it.

That night Duncan and Simon sat around their usual table, contemplating whether to order another drink or to order something from the kitchen when Matt and Jennifer walked into the bar together. Duncan observed them as they came closer to the table, noticing that that night, and in fact never, since he had interrupted them in Jennifer's driveway that day, had he seen them hold hands, or stand close together, or do anything even remotely affectionate. Remembering the relationship he had had with Claire, Duncan was perplexed by this and wondered if his two colleagues were having problems. They shared so little, so he wasn't sure, but he kept a close eye on them as they approached the table and sat down, trying to figure out if his suspicions were warranted.

As Jennifer eased herself onto a stool, she gave a small grunt with the effort. She was no longer really able to hide her changing figure, and she was grateful that she had dressed appropriately tonight and that the bar was very poorly lit. It provided her with a veil of disguise until she was forced to break the news of her and Matt's secret.

"Enjoy your arvo off Matty?" Duncan teased, gulping down the last of his beer.

Matt nodded, not feeling forthcoming about revealing where he was. His private life was private in his mind and even though he knew he couldn't forever, he intended to keep it private for as long as possible.

Matt tried to change the subject, standing up from his seat almost immediately after he had sat down. "Another round?" he asked the group. Simon and Duncan nodded eagerly and then looked at Jen.

"Just a water thanks Matt," she requested, hoping she sounded casual. He nodded back at her and headed to the bar, grabbing his wallet out of his inner jacket packet as he walked. Duncan slid off his stool and followed, a curious look on his face.

"Three beers and a water thanks mate," Matt asked the bartender. He leant on the bar, running his hand over the Victoria Bitter towel that caught the drips of the thousands of drinks that were placed on it every week. Suddenly Duncan's elbows were right next to his and Matt straightened up in a hurry, placing his hands around the three beers he'd just been served.

Duncan leant nonchalantly against the bar and narrowed his eyes at Matt. Coupled with his sharp suit and meanly spiked hair, Matt knew Duncan had the upper hand even before words left his mouth. He stood uselessly in front of Duncan, the condensation from the beer glasses dripping between his fingers as he waited for Duncan to speak.

Duncan cocked his head to the side. "Why is Jen only drinking water Matty?" he asked suspiciously, his detectives hat firmly on.

Matt wasn't sure what to say. They hadn't discussed when and how they would break the news to their colleagues. Matt knew that they would be disbelieving when they did tell them, which made it all the harder. He knew it was a bit of a bombshell. He'd had time to get used to the bombshell and it wasn't so earth shattering to him anymore – but to his colleagues, and to Stanley and Bernice? It was going to be the last thing they expected, if they hadn't noticed already.

So Matt kept his mouth shut and just shrugged his shoulders quickly at Duncan and walked back to the table with the drinks. Duncan picked up the glass of water and followed him.

"Bit of a boring choice isn't it for a Friday night Jen?" Duncan questioned as he placed the glass in front of her. She looked up at him from her stool and stumbled over her answer fleetingly.

"Guess so," she answered. "Just not in the mood for a beer tonight…" she trailed off, not quite meeting his eyes.

Duncan didn't push it. But he noticed that all night all Jennifer drank was water. And she remained at Matt's side practically all night long. Duncan's suspicions were at their height and as they all walked out of the bar several hours later, he couldn't hold back his curiousity any longer. He'd been able to keep his mouth shut inside, where there were other people around, but now they were out on the street and going their separate ways. Simon farewelled them and headed back in the direction of his place while Matt and Jennifer walked in the opposite direction. Duncan stood in the middle of the three and looked both ways before spinning on his heel and deciding to follow Matt and Jennifer. He walked less than ten metres behind them, so could see in the darkness when Jennifer reached for Matt's hand and he squeezed it lovingly back in return.

"When are you two going to let everyone else in on the secret?" he asked from behind them as Jennifer opened the passenger door of Matt's car.

Jennifer jumped, not realising Duncan had followed them. She spun around at the door, half inside the car and half out. She looked across the car roof at Matt, uncertainty in her eyes. They hadn't discussed this.

Matt tried to maintain a normal demeanour. "What secret might that be Dunny?" he asked, leaning on his car door.

Duncan stubbornly ignored Matt's question and wouldn't shift his gaze from Jen. He looked her up and down, now putting aside any politeness he had previously used when interacting with her. He was going to be blunt – she could tell. She sighed and threw her handbag on the seat and looked back at Duncan, square in the eye, knowing she and Matt could no longer keep their happy little secret quiet any longer.

She sounded a little bit pissed off as she was forced to expose the revelation, and she wasn't sure where that had sprung from. But it laced her voice slightly as she spoke – perhaps because he was forcing her into telling him something before she was ready to share. But there was never going to be a good time, she thought to herself. It might as well be now.

"Yes Duncan," she said, finding some strength in amongst all her warring hormonal feelings. "I am pregnant," her voice said. But her body language challenged Duncan's, as if saying 'got a problem with that?'

Matt came around the front of the car to stand beside her and stare down Duncan the way she was. Duncan faltered in their intense stares and bowed his head, mumbling about letting Stanley know as he walked back to his own car.

Matt and Jen stood and watched him walk away from them. He turned back around before he rounded the street corner, stopping to look back at his in love colleagues. "Congratulations you two," he said, just loud enough for them to hear. He smiled at them and walked away. It was hard to look happy for people who were experiencing something he'd always pictured himself experiencing at about his age.

They got into the car and stared at each other for a moment before Matt turned the key in the ignition. "It's all right Jen," Matt consoled her, worried about her fragile state. "It'll be all right…I promise." He smiled reassuringly at her and drove them back to her place.

Matt leant back against the bedhead as he held Jennifer's right foot in his hands. The night at the bar with their wary workmates had not been kind to her feet and she was glad to put up her feet when they had returned home. She had insisted Matt keep his promise he had made months ago about massaging her swollen feet and happily laid back on the bed and let him work his magic.

"Guess the secret's out now hey," he said, smiling fondly at her as he dug his thumbs in a circular motion over the arch of her foot.

"Yeah," she replied, turning her head on the bedspread to look at him from the other end of the bed.

"Want me to come with you when you tell Wolfy?" he asked gently.

Jen shrugged in reply. She wrinkled her nose at the thought of telling her boss he was soon going to be one valued member down and shook her head at Matt. She linked her hands behind her head. "Nah. It's going to be hard enough me telling them. It doesn't need to be hard for you too."


	34. Kerb Crawlers

Chapter 34 Kerb Crawlers

Jennifer walked into Homicide the next day and headed straight to Stanley Wolfe's office. She knocked gently on the door and stuck her head inside. "Sarge?"

Stanley looked over the top of his glasses at her. "Come in Jennifer," he greeted her, putting aside his papers.

She entered and closed the door securely behind her, not wanting to broadcast to the rest of the office the conversation she was about to have with her superior. She stood in front of his desk, wanting to keep the discussion short and sweet.

"What can I do for you Detective?" he asked, giving her his full attention.

Jennifer inhaled deeply through her nose and laced her fingers together in front of her. "I just wanted to let you know that I've put in for leave for later this year," she explained.

Stanley frowned and took off his glasses, twisting their arms in his fingers. "Annual leave?" he questioned.

She shook her head. "Maternity leave," she admitted, tightening her laced fingers.

Stanley couldn't hide his surprise. It was written all over his face. "I had no idea Jennifer," he said as he rose from his swivel chair. "Congratulations." He smiled warmly at her.

"Thanks Sarge," she acknowledged his congratulations and headed for the door without missing a beat. She needn't have hurried, because she knew Stanley was the kind of well intentioned man who would never be so blunt or rude as to ask who the father of her baby was, or how this had happened and why she had let it at what was a prime time in her career. But she was eager to get on with her day – today was the day they were finally going to be able to talk to Dylan again and the whole team knew they were now closer than ever to nailing him for Clem's murder.

She headed back out into the office and ran smack bang into Karen Hatzic. Instinctively Jennifer leapt backwards, preventing a front on collision with her swollen mid section. Sargeant Hatzic leapt back also, a surprised look on her face when she saw exactly what it was that had caused Jennifer to be so jumpy. Almost six months worth of jumpy if I'm not mistaken, Karen thought to herself dryly. Despite this, she smiled at her colleague and leaned in close to speak with her.

"I've got a kid here who wants to talk to you Detective Mapplethorpe," she said, keeping her voice low.

"A kid?" Jennifer questioned, looking over Karen's shoulder and towards the lifts, trying to see who she might mean.

"Apparently a friend of Audrina Eastoe's?" the sergeant raised her eyebrows knowingly at her colleague. Jennifer squinted across the office at a hunched, thin limbed teenage girl she'd never met before. She may not have been out in the field talking to these street kids as much as the rest of the team had been, but she still knew every one of their faces from the files and the descriptions she'd been given by Simon, Duncan and Matt, and knew that this was one face she'd definitely never seen before. She wondered how they'd missed this one.

"Thanks Karen," Jen said appreciatively before heading over to the seats by the lift where the girl sat. She sat down beside her, and dropped her head to be able to see into the girls eyes. When the girl looked up, Jennifer smiled, trying to reassure her. Maybe their day was about to get even better, and Dylan wasn't going to be the only one they questioned.

"Are you Jennifer?" the girl asked quietly, only just meeting her eyes.

"Yes," Jen replied, studying her critically. "What's your name?"

"It doesn't matter," the girl replied. "Audrina told me to ask for you."

"Are you a friend of hers?" Jennifer tried not to push it too hard.

The girl nodded.

"Let's go and have a chat shall we?" Jennifer led her towards the interview rooms.

"How do you know Audrina?" Jen asked.

The girl shrugged, sitting slumped in her chair. "She's my best friend," was all she would say.

Jennifer was frustrated already at how little the girl was divulging. "You don't have to tell me your whole name you know," she pushed. "Just your first name, so we can talk on the right level."

The girl looked at Jennifer, daggers for eyes, but gave in.

"Ashleigh."

"All right Ashleigh," Jen smiled, trying to break the steel like exterior of the teenager. "Why did you want to come here today?"

"Audrina told me you're trying to find Clem's killer."

Jen nodded, leaning forward over the table. "And why haven't I ever talked to you before?"

Ashleigh shuddered in her seat, recalling past events silently. She tightly held her arms across her chest, digging her fingernails deep into the skin above her elbows. "I saw…everything," she whispered, sounding terrified. "And if he knew…" she finally looked Jen in the eye. "I had to get away. Just in case."

Jennifer frowned. "So you've been in hiding from Dylan?"

Ashleigh nodded, pushing her greasy fringe out of her eyes with a dry and scaly hand.

"Audrina told me that he was in hospital in lockdown," Ashleigh explained, her voice still barely above a whisper. "And Sydney's shit. Melbourne's my home. Figured now was a good time to come back."

Jennifer smiled. She felt the same way about the two cities. "All right. Let's start from the beginning then. What did you see?" Jennifer began her unravelling.

Ashleigh settled back into her chair, still digging her fingernails into her upper arms. Jennifer wondered if it was nerves making her do it. Or was it fear? The drugs she was so clearly hooked on? Sometimes these kids were so hard to read, she thought to herself as Ashleigh began her story.

"You can't tell Audrina any of this," Ashleigh demanded without hesitation.

"Only between you, me and the police force," Jennifer promised.

Ashleigh nodded back and took a deep breath in. "I haven't been on the street that long. Only a couple of years," she began. "I come from a wealthy family you know." She looked down her nose at the detective opposite her for a minute. "But I don't put up with bullshit. As soon as I could I got away from my parents bullshit…started my own life."

"And the best option is the street?" Jennifer asked, sceptical.

"Of course not," Ashleigh spat back in response. "But it was the only place to start."

"Is that where you met Audrina?"

Ashleigh nodded. "She hung out with some girls who worked at Golden and introduced me to them."

Jennifer listened intently – Golden was the brothel Dylan had been picked up in all those weeks ago.

"It was never going to be a long term thing," she admitted. "But it was good money. And the girls looked after me."

"Did they get you onto ice as well?" Jennifer asked sarcastically, sick of years of seeing wasted young lives on the streets of Melbourne, scrounging to makes ends meet and to feed habits.

Ashleigh wouldn't answer, so Jennifer knew she had guessed correctly.

"Audrina didn't stay on the game long," Ashleigh continued, her confidence growing, her voice getting more stable. "But after a while I couldn't see a way out. I don't have the willpower that she does. She had so much to live for after she gave Dylan the flick. He was only dragging her down and she finally saw the light. Clem helped her to see it of course. They were inseperable right from the very beginning." She stopped and got a glazed look over her face for a moment, staring off past Jennifer's head.

"But Audrina's too nice, that's the problem. When she got pregnant she knew Dylan would go ape shit. Especially because she'd been with Clem before she told Dylan it was over. Clem offered to go and speak to Dylan - break it to him gently. But then Townsend stepped in trying to be the guardian angel again, offering both Clem and Audrina places at his farm," she softened for a moment. "They deserved it too."

"Wasn't it true though that Clem was not as heavily into drugs as the others were?" Jen asked.

Ashleigh nodded, echoing Brent's words with Matt and Duncan. "He had it under control." Jennifer snorted upon hearing such an oxymoron. Ashleigh gave her a look. "No really, I'm not bullshitting. I think that's what attracted him to Audrina – they had the same kind of willpower. They could be disciplined when they wanted to be. But Audrina was pretty messed up, and he wanted her to get clean for their baby. He decided he needed to be right there with her while she got clean and she agreed, so they took up Townsend's offer straight away."

"But Dylan thought Clem was undeserving of the spot?" Jennifer pressed.

"Yeah that and he was pissed about Clem getting her pregnant. Clem and Audrina were getting thrown all the aces in Dylan's eyes."

"But Father Townsend's clinic is brand new isn't it?" Jen questioned, trying in vain to organise her thoughts. "It's not like he had a proven track record of saving anyone."

"Very true," Ashleigh nodded sadly. "But when opportunity knocks you don't slam the door in its face. Dylan was desperate for a stint with Townsend, if for nothing else than to win back Audrina. He still cares about her, but he's just a totally different person when he's high. They met when they were both heavy users. It was a relationship based on the next hit. When they were up everything was fine, but when they were down they were way down and Audrina hated him when he was desperate and on the edge."

"So what did you see that night?"

"Clem came down to Golden about midnight," she began. "I was just finishing up with a client when I saw him down the hall. He looked really happy, and I knew he was there to see Dylan and that that would piss Dylan off."

"And why was Dylan at Golden?" Jennifer was horribly confused.

Ashleigh chuckled at Jennifer's innocent way of thinking. "If you can't get high might as well get laid right?" she asked provocatively, sounding so much older than she really was. "Dylan was always at Golden, leeching off the owner and injecting with the other girls. They'd sit on the stairs out the back and pass out over each other's laps."

Jennifer's skin crawled at the raw ugliness of it all. These kids were not even eighteen yet.

"Audrina had told me Clem'd be coming, and Clem knew Dylan was always there. I followed them out the back and watched them talk at the end of the laneway. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I knew what they were talking about. Dylan was sharp that night – that's what he loves about pushing his stolen profits up his arm – it makes him feel in control and powerful. And he is. He can handle anything that comes along. That's why he's escaped you pigs all this time. Still is," she chuckled again before getting on with her story.

"You could tell he had it all planned out in his head. There was just a look that came over his face. He knew what he was going to do, how he was going to do it and when. You shouldn't doubt his brains Detective," she warned Jennifer seriously. "He'll always have one more surprise up his sleeve. He let Clem walk away…even gave him a hug. Poor guy was too trusting, thinking he'd just solved all of his and Audrina's problems."

"What happened after that?" Jennifer was intrigued, too caught up in the thrill of it all now.

"He waited until Clem was around the corner, then followed him in the dark. Clem should've known better. He's supposed to be onto this kind of thing. If somebody follows me I can tell…I'm onto it. But Clem was probably too stoked that his meeting with Dylan had just gone over so well and was thinking all lullabies and rainbows. He didn't even realise Dylan was twenty metres behind. Luckily for me," she smiled almost evilly. "Dylan was too caught up in following Clem that he didn't notice me following him."

"Where did you go?" Jennifer urged her on.

"I kept my distance…I wasn't sure what Dylan might do. I didn't want to go into a public place. We prefer to stay in the shadows. It's safer there. Audrina had been staying at a women's refuge after she found out she was pregnant. It wasn't far from the youth centre where Clem often stayed. It was all too easy for Dylan. He knew that was where Audrina was, and he knew that was where Clem would head to." She looked pointedly at Jennifer, encouraging her to join the dots. "And you know how secluded and hidden away that lane is near the centre. It's like life has never walked down that street. Clem should've known better than to walk down there in such a daze, his hands in his pockets, without his wits about him. Dylan was on his tail before he even knew what was happening." She explained the last part coldly, separating herself from the gruesome situation she was describing. "Clem was so unprepared for it that all Dylan needed to use were his fists and the brickwork. He beat him til he was a pulp, then draped his arm around his shoulder and walked him to the park, dumped him into the drain, where you guys found him I'm assuming."

"And you saw all of this?" Jennifer was incredulous.

Ashleigh nodded, looking truly miserable for the first time. She looked at Jennifer and spoke, her voice softening, losing the coldness it had possessed just a few moments ago. "Audrina doesn't have anything anymore ok? She lost her baby. She lost Clem. She's given up hope on herself. At least put Dylan away for this. It could make a serious difference to her." Here was a friend begging Jennifer to help another friend.

Jennifer was drained upon hearing the revelations of Clem's murder. She looked up at the camera mounted on the wall and was happy they'd just got that all on tape. Because that was all they needed to nail Dylan for taking away Audrina's second chance.

Later, when Matt and the team returned from picking up Dylan, they locked him in a padded room and watched Jennifer's interview with Ashleigh. The team and Stanley were practically opened mouthed as they watched, captivated by what they heard. When it came to an end they stared admiringly at Jennifer.

Duncan pushed his chair out in a hurry and grinned hard at Jennifer, patting her on the shoulder. "Let's go break the news to him shall we?" he said, heading for the door. Jennifer grinned back and got up to follow him, but Matt grabbed her arm.

He shook his head vehemently at her. "I don't want you in there with him." Matt was insistent. "Now we know how dangerous he really is…" He looked over at Stanley who was nodding his head earnestly.

"He's right Jennifer. It wouldn't be a good idea," he pointed back at the chair, ordering her to sit back down.

Rolling her eyes, she sat back in her seat and watched as Matt and Stanley walked out of the room to read Dylan his rights. She looked at Simon. "You don't wanna be involved with them Jen," he insisted, her best interests at heart, just like every other colleague of hers so frustratingly was. "It's over now. We've got him. Let's just put him away and wait for the court date."


	35. One More Surprise Up His Sleeve

Chapter 35 One More Surprise Up His Sleeve

Dylan's court date fell on Jennifer's first day of maternity leave. She sat up in bed, watching as Matt bustled around the bedroom, getting ready for his day on the stand. "Sure you don't want me to drive you in today?" she asked for the second time that morning.

He stopped tying his tie in the mirror and looked at her, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "Yes," he replied, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed by her side. "I'm not going to be able to keep you away from the office am I?" He leant back on his right hand, trapping her legs between where he sat and his hand on the other side of her.

She smiled back in stubborn reply. "I'm bored already," she moaned good naturedly. "What am I going to do for the next four weeks?"

He chuckled at her cabin fever. "I think they'd say enjoy it while you can," he answered. He leaned forward and kissed her passionately, holding his hands to her glowing, slightly plumper cheeks. "Seeya later," he farewelled her as he headed out of the house, his familiar cologne leaving a trail all the way out of the bedroom and into the hallway.

Jennifer listened to him reverse down the driveway and zoom off up the street. She heaved a brooding sigh and looked around the room. Jerry came plodding in, looking up at his owner with interest. She smiled at him from her position in bed – soon he wouldn't be the only one she showered attention on. She hurled herself out of bed and pushed herself up awkwardly to a standing position. She felt huge, and knew she looked it too. But it was nice in a way. Pregnancy was doing her poor, tired, ravaged coppers body a world of good, healing it in all the right places in all the right ways.

She walked out into the kitchen and sat down at the table, eyeing the stack of paperwork that sat quietly in the corner. Her laptop sat silently beside it, begging her to open it. She didn't need much convincing. _This_ was what she would do for the next four weeks – everything she never had time to do in the Homicide office. She may not be on active duty, but she could still be a detective.

Simon sipped at his coffee thoughtfully and tried to not sound like he was teasing Matt when he prodded him for answers on his relationship with Jennifer.

"So how did you do it mate?" he asked slyly, a mischievious grin on his young face. "How did you get a beautiful creature like Jen Mapplethorpe to go out with you?"

Matt let out a guffaw. "You were the one who said we looked like a married couple!"

Simon nodded, remembering. "Yeah but I didn't think you had it in you Matty! I'm impressed, I must say."

Matt grinned, secretly chuffed.

"So now she's having a baby. You've almost ticked all the boxes. When are you buying the ring?" he asked.

Matt shrugged, holding a water glass loosely at the counter of the crew kitchen. He spoke truthfully in his answer. "To be honest, it hasn't crossed my mind, and I don't think it has hers either." He shrugged again, looking at his colleague. "And it's not about that," he stated simply. "Right now I don't need to give her a diamond to prove anything. It's not that I don't want to marry her, but it's just not what we're thinking about right now."

"So what's the deal?" Simon asked, more curious than ever.

Matt smiled, a relaxed look in his eyes. "I'm just…happy," he replied. "She makes me happy."

_I want every single soul to know_

_That I love you for what you are_

_So I'll sound the bells that praise your precious heart_

Duncan and Matt pulled up to the carpark behind the courthouse. Duncan sighed, glad that the day had finally come, but exhausted that it had been dragged out for much of the year. "Let's get this done," he said, determined. "I need some caffeine first though," he looked over the road at the café that called to him. "You want anything?"

Matt shook his head. He had had a peaceful sleep beside Jen last night, his hand resting on her belly as they fell asleep together. He didn't need caffeine after a night as pleasant as that. "Nah, I'll meet you in the foyer though yeah?"

"Yep," Duncan replied as he got out of the car. He walked casually away from the car, dodging the traffic. They were plenty early, so he was in no hurry, and enjoyed the sunshine as he walked the short distance across the road and around the corner to where the smell of coffee called to him.

Matt stayed in the front seat, squinting in the bright sunshine at his mobile phone screen. His fingers flied over the keys as he responded to messages he had left unanswered for days now. He was in no hurry to get inside, where it would certainly be colder and a lot more tense.

Leaning on the window sill of his open drivers side door with his elbow, it suddenly gave way and he half fell out of the car with the surprise. A gloved hand grabbed him by the collar before he could realise what was happening and dragged him from the seat, having a little difficulty when Matt's knees got caught underneath the steering wheel. But the assailant was quickly helped by another masked figure. They brutally pulled him out of the car and kicked him against the side of the car where he sat awkwardly in a daze, his reactions still not kicking in. But it didn't matter even if they had, because the two laid into him half a second later with kicks and cricket bats, beating him senseless. He cowered against the car, bringing his hands to his face and curling up to escape the blows, but they just continued until just moments later he was knocked clean unconscious and slumped to his right onto the pebbly carpark gravel.

The two assailants crouched down beside him after they had laid in their final kicks. "No one ever comes out the winner against Dylan Cooper," they whispered in his ear as he fell into unconsciousness. And with that they ran off, into the dense park that bordered the secluded carpark. Within moments they were gone, leaving Matt bloodied and bruised and no one even knew.


	36. Panic

Chapter 36 Panic

Duncan entered the courthouse carrying his cappuccino and looked around the crowded foyer for his workmate. Where was he? Duncan thought to himself. He looked at his watch – they were early before but now it was just about time to start. Matt was never late unless something was seriously wrong. Concerned, Duncan headed back outside. He put his free hand to his forehead, shielding his eyes from the sun as he scanned the area out the front of the courthouse. He even looked back over to the café, wondering if maybe Matt had changed his mind about that caffeine hit. But he couldn't see him.

He walked back towards the car park, his coffee all but forgotten now. When he rounded the corner and saw the car door open and a collapsed figure in a dark suit beneath it, he started to run, dropping his coffee on the ground as he went. "Matt? Matt!" he yelled, sprinting towards the car.

The scene that met Duncan's eyes was gruesome and the shock paralysed him for a second, his memory skipping back to his own attack some months ago. But he quickly put it out of his mind, knealing besode Matt and reaching for his face, but not quite knowing what to touch. There were no major bleeding wounds to put pressure on, just ghastly bruising and gravel rashes paired with awful dents where his body had bore the brunt of his attackers kicks and weapons.

Duncan whispered reassuringly to Matt, but was unable to keep some of the panic from showing in his voice as he dialled triple zero.

He dialled Stanley as soon as he had hung up with the emergency services and after that made the call he didn't want to make.

Jen was powering through her paper work at the kitchen table and got up after almost an hour of pen to paper, to get a glass of water and mull further over the content of one of her reports she was half way through. As she stood at the sink, she stared out the window to the sunshine outside. It looked so inviting that she felt sad to be missing out on it by staying inside the house so wondered out the back door and eased herself onto the patio steps with a little difficulty.

Not two minutes after she'd sat down with her glass of water did she hear her mobile ring inside the house. Are you kidding me? She thought wryly to herself. She heaved a sigh and pushed herself back up to standing again, feeling her pregnancy weight work against her as she tried to hurry towards the phone.

"I'm coming I'm coming," she muttered as she power walked through the house and into the front entry where her mobile sat on the hall table.

"Duncan?" she spoke into the phone as she held it up to her ear.

"Jen." His voice sounded unlike she had ever heard before and it frightened her instantly.

"Duncan?" she said again. He sounded so different that she wasn't sure it was really him, even if the screen did flash his name at her.

"Jen," his voice was grim. "I'm coming by to pick you up right now ok? We're going to the hospital – Matt's been attacked again." He left the words hanging in the air, afraid to hear her reaction.

Her mind clicked into gear quicker than she had expected. "No," she said. "I'll drive myself. I'll meet you there." She threw the phone into her bag and walked straight out the door, not even going back to lock the back door she had left open only moments before.

She ran as best she could down the footpath and to her car that sat in the sunshine in the driveway. She folded herself awkwardly into the drivers seat and tried in vain to adjust the seat away from the steering wheel – she just could not fit behind it anymore. Her right hand fumbled at her side as she tried to adjust the seat and when she finally got it into the right spot to enable her to sit comfortably, she found only her toes and barely any of the balls of her feet could reach the pedals. But it didn't matter; she shoved the gear stick into reverse and rocketed down the driveway.

She was there in minutes and drove straight up to the emergency bay, uncaring of whether she blocked in anyone else. She fell out of the car, running as soon as her feet hit the pavement, and looked wildly around her, unsure of which direction to go. As she swung her head to the right she saw a trolley being wheeled out of the back of an ambulance and up the kerb. Jennifer could tell immediately that it was Matt, lying lifeless on the stretcher. She ran for him, her breathing at a standstill, her hair falling from the elastic she had in her blonde locks and into her eyes.

"Matt!" she gasped, the panic well and truly in her voice. She gasped again and her hand flew to her mouth to supress her cry as she took in the scene before her. "Matt?" As she lunged for the trolley, the ambulance officers attempted to block her way, but only succeeded when Duncan ran up behind her and reached out two hands to her hips and gently but sternly pulled her back.

"Jen!" he said quietly, still holding her back. She struggled a little against his hold, but he had a firm hold around her and together they watched as Matt was wheeled away inside the building.

When he disappeared from view Jennifer turned to Duncan with tears brimming in her eyes. "What happened?" she questioned him.

"I dunno Jen," he felt so guilty with no answers for her. "I just found him lying there." He looked hopeless and felt it too as the news sunk in for Jennifer. He put an arm around her waist and led her inside the emergency building silently.


	37. The Agony of the Unknown

Chapter 37 The Agony of the Unknown

Jennifer and Duncan were joined moments later by Stanley and Simon, who stood in a huddle with the distressed and panicked expectant mother. Duncan kept an arm around her for fear she might fold under the pressure as they waited for doctors and nurses to reveal news on Matt's condition. It was a cruel wait that lasted more than half an hour, and no matter what the three men said to her, they couldn't get her to sit down. She paced the hallway in the emergency department, her hands on her hips and her calf length chocolate brown skirt skewiff under her protruding stomach.

Stanley stood in the opposite corner from the rest of the team, speaking into his mobile phone to Bernice and his other superiors. He looked over his shoulder when he heard a scuffle across the room, and saw Jennifer and Duncan rush up to a doctor that emerged from the treatment area where they knew Matt was.

"He hasn't woken up yet," the doctor informed the duo. "But his injuries aren't critical – even though they look bad." He looked at Jennifer with concern. "I am concerned at his lack of response so far though. We can do nothing but wait...I'm sorry."

Jennifer pursed her lips together, trying to hold together her composure in front of the doctor. Duncan snuck a look at her out of the corner of his eye and squeezed her hand, trying to comfort her. But it helped little. She bowed her head near to his shoulder, bringing her right hand up to her eyes to cover them as a few tears trickled down her cheeks.

"You can go and sit with him," the doctor offered sympathetically, gesturing to his right.

They walked towards the small single room in silence as Jennifer swiped at her cheeks to get rid of her tears. She took a deep breath before she entered and closed her eyes briefly before stepping into the room, not sure if she wanted to face the sight there. But she went in anyway.

She was confronted with an almost unrecognisable figure, sitting up slightly in the bed, connected to a mass of tubes and wires and rippled with all shades of purples and reds. His kind features were swollen and bruised and his face grazed roughly from dimple all the way up to the ear on his right side.

Jennifer sat down at his bedside, reaching for his hand that lay alone atop the sheets. As she did so, Stanley appeared at the doorway and beckoned Duncan out of the room. Only when they disappeared did she really allow herself to look closely at Matt and his wounds, and she frowned at their vulgarity.

She held his hand for an hour before finally having to let it go to adjust her position in the uncomfortable seat. She sat back deeper into the chair and sighed, further adjusting her sitting position, feeling the pressure on her mid-section and back. As she did so, Stanley Wolfe quietly entered the room, standing at the door for a moment before entering.

"Jennifer."

She looked up from her vigil over the man she loved and over at their boss. She got up, leaning heavily on the arm rests of her chair to push herself up to standing. She met Stanley at the foot of Matt's bed and stood there with him in silence for a few minutes, her right hand turned under and supporting her aching back as they spoke.

"He'll be fine Jennifer," Stanley stated quietly. The frown that never left her face troubled him. "What did they say?"

She tried to nod at his reassurances. "They won't know the extent of the damage until he wakes up," she answered quietly, the concern still evident in her voice.

Stanley nodded solemnly. This was all too familiar to them both – it was not so long ago that they were all standing vigil over Duncan Freeman's hospital bed, just waiting for him to wake up. How could the world be so cruel as to hit their team with a blow like that again? Stanley turned away from the bed and towards her slightly. "And are you ok?"

She nodded, looking distracted. She looked back at Matt's still body, his chest unevenly rising with every breath in he took.

"Would you like me to stay?" Stanley offered kindly, helping her back into her seat at Matt's bedside.

Jennifer shook her head as she sat back down slowly.

Stanley nodded, respecting her decision and need to be alone with Matt. "Keep me informed then Mapplethorpe," he requested as he quietly left the room.

Jennifer looked back at Matt's discoloured face sadly and slipped her hand into his again. She sat with him all night long.


	38. By Your Side

Chapter 38 By Your Side

At 2am Matt woke. His eyelids fluttered and he groaned at the ache that radiated through his body, finally getting the message to his brain that he had in fact been beaten to oblivion. But then he felt her warm hand held over his and he immediately relaxed and felt his tense, swollen muscles loosen.

He gingerly turned his head on the pillow, the movement less painful than he had feared, but he still took precautions. There she was, her head cradled in her own elbow on the edge of the bed, her other hand holding his. She slept without her usual pleasant dreamy look on her face and he wondered how long she, and himself, had been there. Not wanting to wake her, he turned his head slowly back to centre and closed his eyes again, shifting slightly on the mattress.

It was this movement that woke Jennifer with a start. She lifted her head with a deep breath in, as if she had been shaken awake – even though she hadn't. It took a second for her eyes to get used to the darkness, but once they were she focussed on Matt. His eyes still remained closed, and she had no idea he had only moments ago been looking at her.

Only a few hours later Jennifer woke again, this time with less of a start, and found a doctor at her elbow. It was the same one from the previous day and she looked up at him hopefully.

He smiled kindly down at her. "He woke during the night."

It was all she needed to hear.


	39. These Little Moments

Chapter 39 These Little Moments

It was mid afternoon when she first felt it. She leaned heavily against the hallway wall, stopping dead in her tracks, wondering if the time had finally come.

Yes. Definitely.

She was an odd mixture of panic and calmness as she made her way carefully back to the kitchen and found her mobile phone. She quickly dialled Matt's number and held the phone to her ear, already feeling pain. She leaned on the kitchen bench as the phone rang out and went to his voicemail.

"Dammit," she muttered under her breath, staring at the phone as his name faded from the screen as she hung up without leaving a message. What good would a message do? She needed to speak to him.

She walked back out into the entryway but was forced to stop halfway there as pain ripped through her body. This was happening way faster than she'd thought it would. She fumbled with her phone again, posed in an awkward stance by the back of the couch, and dialled Duncan instead.

Duncan pulled in only seconds before the ambulance. He was mad – he had been reminding Matt all week long to keep his phone always within reach and on extra loud. Now he was going to miss the most important call of his life. He slammed his car door shut and leapt up the veranda steps and ran to Jennifer, who was waiting impatiently at the front door, her hospital bag packed and ready beside her. Even though nothing often went right for her, she still had her bag packed and ready to go.

Just as he got to her, she doubled over in pain and he lunged forward to catch her, making it just in time. He looped her left arm around his neck and gently moved her along the veranda towards the ambulance. She rested heavily on him as they walked, trying to control her breathing. The paramedics swooped in only moments later and as they deftly helped her onto the stretcher she looked, frightened, at her colleague. "I can't get hold of Matt," she said breathlessly. "Where is he?" Her face was contorted and glistening with sweat as she tried to deal with contractions.

Duncan shook his head helplessly, but squeezed her hand reassuringly anyway, promising her he would track Matt down and meet her at the hospital. As the ambulance closed its doors and hid Jen from his view, Duncan felt such a sense of responsibility and owing to her at that moment. Maybe once they had not got along, when she was new and he was a snob, but nowadays it was different. The team had grown so close over the last few years. Now they would do anything for each other, especially in times of crisis. It was always your mates who got you through, and Duncan knew that better than anybody.

As the ambulance screamed away up the street Duncan dialled Matt for the seventh time since receiving the panicked phone call from Jennifer. He kept the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he hurriedly started up his car and backed it down the driveway and onto the road.

Voicemail. Again. Duncan swore to himself as the automated voice directed him to leave a message. "Matty!" he almost yelled into the mobile, his voice gruff and unrestrained. "Where the hell are you? Jen's on her way to the hospital. Get your arse down there!"

Duncan paced the doorway by the emergency entrance. Back and forth. Back and forth. Where was he? He's going to miss this, Duncan thought sadly to himself. He knew he was on his way – a call had even been put out over the police radio – he couldn't not be aware by now – but now it was just a matter of making it in time.

"Duncan!" Matt's voice penetrated the quiet buzz of emergency as he sprinted towards him.

Duncan's head snapped up and finally he smiled. "Thought you were going to miss it mate!" Duncan exclaimed, slapping Matt on the shoulder. He shoved him through the doors. "Hurry up, she's in there!"

Matt raced through the foyer and up to the nurses desk, almost panting as he asked for directions to Jennifer's room. A second later he was off again like a shot, into the lift and up way too many floors to count. He watched the numbers on the panel glow as they went up each floor and grew quickly frustrated at the slowness. He was right there when the doors opened into maternity and he burst out into the corridor, looking both ways for signs to point him in the right direction.

His jacket swished out behind him with the pure pace of his running and he skidded to a stop moments later outside the right room. The door was half open and he didn't hesitate this time. He burst through it.

Jennifer was sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to him, her hands on her knees, her head drooped. He could see her hair hanging in her face and her fingers digging into the tops of her legs. Her jaw was clenched and the wisps of hair by her ears sticky with sweat. He rushed over and sat down beside her, instantly reaching his right arm around her back and his left hand immediately to her knee.

"Thought I was gonna miss it," he whispered as she clutched at his hand tighter than she ever had before.

She looked up and smiled at him gratefully. As she felt relief from the passed contraction she leaned back a bit further onto the bed and managed a smile. "I can't believe we joked about this at that party," she said, looking adoringly at him. "And now it's happening for real."

_Do you remember all the city lights on the water?_

_You saw me start to believe for the first time_

Matt grinned at her and nodded happily. He reached down and kissed her on the mouth before resting his forehead against hers. They had been so lucky to have been able to work out everything that had gone wrong and be happy together. And now it was only going to get better. Matt felt like the luckiest guy in the world. He kissed her forehead affectionately and held her hand again as they came closer to being parents.

Simon lounged himself over two armchairs in the waiting room, eyeing off the Coke machine with interest. He felt his pockets in the vain hope that there might be a two dollar coin floating somewhere in the depths, but no such luck. He pulled a face and went back to watching the people that walked past.

Duncan sat a few seats away, reading a magazine half-heartedly. He flipped aimlessly through the pages, not really taking in any of the articles or pictures. When Simon interrupted the silence, he was almost grateful.

"How long have you known about Matt and Jen?" he asked Duncan curiously.

Duncan shrugged. "Since…I dunno," he searched his mind trying to remember when it had finally clicked to him. "Months?"

"Months?" Simon was shocked. He shook his head in a daze, genuinely surprised at his own lack of detecting instinct. "Wow. I had no idea for such a long time," he admitted.

Duncan let out a chuckle. "Yep, Matty beat you to this one, that's for sure!" he teased Simon.

Simon nodded, accepting defeat. He smiled. "Him and Jen are pretty perfect together aren't they?"

"Yeah," Duncan decided. "They really are."

Duncan and Simon crept quietly up the hallway and towards the room that housed their colleagues. The door was three quarters open, but even if it had been fully open, Matt couldn't have torn his eyes away from the bundle in his arms to notice. Simon and Duncan leaned in and snuck a peak at the new little family. Matt sat up on the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. In his arms was his new daughter and at his side, curled up and sleeping peacefully, was Jen.

Duncan smiled at Simon. "What a picture hey?" he whispered.

Simon nodded, grinning, and quietly they backed away and back down the hallway.

Matt stared down at the sleeping baby in his arms and reached out a finger to run along her cheek. She stirred ever so slightly but didn't wake. He revelled in the opportunity to just stare at what he and Jen had created for a while.

_I live for little moments like that_

Jennifer shifted in her position against Matt and opened her eyes slowly, reaching out her top hand toward the pile of blankets to position it over Matt's. Together they held her and stared lovingly at their little girl, so swept off their feet with love that they didn't speak for several minutes.

_I remember how we felt sitting by the water_

_And every time I look at you it's like the first time_

"What about Lauren?" Jen whispered suddenly, still unable to drag her eyes away from the sleeping infant.

Matt nodded slowly. "Lauren Isabella Ryan." He held back the tears that threatened to form in his eyes and looked to Jen for confirmation. She smiled up at him and nodded. As Lauren gripped onto one of Jennifer's fingers with her tiny hand, her parents met again in a passionate kiss above her head.

_You are the best thing that's ever been mine_

_Song credits:_

_Taylor Swift_

_Powderfinger_

_Rascal Flatts_

_Scouting For Girls_

_Whitney Houston_

_Brad Paisley_

_Lady Antebellum_

_Toto_

_John Farnham_

_Adele_

_Jessica Mauboy_

_Kings of Leon_

_Missing Hours_

_Secondhand Serenade_

_Lisa Mitchell_

Note: Hi guys! Finished this fic at last! Was such a pleasure to write! Such a pleasure in fact that I've already started my next and it will be on this site soon, so keep an eye out and leave me a review if you would be so kind when it is published. Would also love to hear what you thought of the ending of this fic Thanks for all your reviews right the way through this one…I really appreciate them!


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